Prisoner
by Angibugg
Summary: Colonel Roy Mustang is a prisoner of war after an attack on their camp he trades himself for his men. Will he survive to see his rescue party? Rated for strong violence, language and torture scenes. RoyXRiza
1. Chapter 1

1  
"So are you going to talk Colonel Mustang?" asked the tall man who was standing over the dark haired Colonel as he was tied down to a chair.

'Never." He knew his defiance would cost him but it was only fair warning the man what he was dealing with.

"You'll change your mind soon enough." His interrogator said as he bent Roy's finger backwards with a sickening snap then moving to the next one until all the fingers on his right hand were broken. He looked up at him wondering if he was going to say anything but the Colonel stayed silent. So he began to break the fingers on his left hand.

"Now you can't snap. Not like it would do anything without your gloves but I wouldn't put it past you to find a way to cause trouble. You have quite a reputation Colonel Mustang. But what would you expect from a man who traded his freedom and well being for a handful of his men. "

Once again the Colonel did not respond. It was true. He had traded himself for his men. They had been ambushed and Havoc, Hawkeye, Falman and Furry had been taken hostage. He had made a trade. A well-known Colonel not to mention State Alchemist. They had traded in an instant, Roy had nearly more power than the small group combined. He knew more about the military secrets and his fame would make his ransom easy. The military didn't want it to become public that one of the most publicized members was now a prisoner of war. 

It had only been three months here in Lior. Such short a time and already disaster was happening on both sides. Massive causalities had hit them both a lot with torture cruelty and just the ugliness of war.

People said it was going to be another Ishbal but the ones fighting knew that wasn't true. Ishbal had been one sided. The State Alchemists had gone in and destroyed everything then it was over. It was different here. The people could defend them self's this time, their military was just as brutal as the Amstris military was.

"Not very talkative are you?" the man asked as he began to throw punches into Roy's chest and stomach. He could feel the ribs cracking with each blow. He saw the air leave Mustangs lungs as he groaned and struggled to breathe. "So are you going to tell me where the philosophers' stones are being created?"

"I don't . . . know" Roy said trying to get air in his lungs but it hurt badly just to breathe. He seriously wondered how long he could keep this up. He knew that they had just gotten started. Would he be able to hold out until the very end when he was somehow rescued or they finally killed him?

"Come on Mustang, we know that's a lie. A top-ranking promotion hungry colonel like you not knowing where the military's best weapon is being created." The man said with another bone cracking punch into his rib cage.

"We haven't even used them since Ishbal." He said before he was punched in the face and he could taste the blood forming in his mouth.

Ok this was a lie, a few of the top ranked State Alchemists had been given them. He had handed his over to Hawkeye on the way out and now he was very glad that he had. It wouldn't have done him much good here anyway. It gave him a little of an advantage, now they had no way of knowing that he had actually had one.

"Stop lying. You are a good liar but we know differently." The man said as another blow connected with his face breaking his nose, blood splattered to his chin but Roy Mustang said nothing more.

After nearly an hour of beating him into unconsciousness they tossed him into a small cell. His badly broken arms tied behind his back as his blood smeared on the cement floor. It didn't matter how tough a man was, he wouldn't make it too much longer here, even if they didn't keep beating him. He was going to die here.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

"He's going to make it out right?" Cain Furry asked as he looked across to where Colonel was thought to be. The price of war was obviously taking its toll on the young man. He wasn't even supposed to be here. They had been running low on troops so he had been deployed. They all had been. Now that Colonel Mustang wasn't with them, it only shook him up more, he felt if possible even more insecure. He believed in the man to keep them safe, they all did and because of that he was now gone.

"Yeah, come on when was the last time Mustang didn't have a plan?" Havoc asked as he took a drag on the cigarette that was always in his mouth. The tall blond said it with a smile as another bomb went off somewhere and shook the ground. It was such a familiar sensation now nobody bothered looking up. He was trying his best to reassure him but all their hopes of ever seeing the man again was quickly dying. It had been a week and a half and there had been no sign of him.

He looked over at Hawkeye. For the first time he could remember he was actually worried about the woman who sat cleaning her pistol. She hadn't said two words since they had left, since he had traded his well being for theirs. She sat and stared in the distance. Everyone knew that she and Mustang had a special bond, that she would protect him at all cost and that knowing that she hadn't stopped him was killing her inside.

She knew he was looking at her. She knew he was concerned but it didn't matter. She knew the men were trying their hardest to convince each other that at any time there would be an explosion and that the Colonel would be back here with them. She couldn't fool herself, she knew she had let him walk ever so calmly to his death. She put her hand in her pocket playing with the ring he had handed to her as they passed. A small reminder of the promise she had broken.

It was hard on all of them. They had all gotten close to Mustang from they time they had been working under him. He was not only their commanding officer, he was their friend. Losing him, and knowing that he had done it to protect them hurt even more. Sure he had never been as over the top friendly as Brigadier General Hughes had been, of corse one of them had been enough. But those who had gotten to know that there was more to him than the power hungry man whore people thought, they learned that he was smart and selfless when it came to the well being of his men.

Despite the best attempts to keep some hope alive, pessimism was contagious and was spreading fast as the days ticked by, marking the second week without Roy Mustang in their midst. Maybe it wasn't just that, maybe it was the truth that was setting in at last. Roy Mustang not always had a plan. He could come up with a genius one in seconds but when the people he cared about were in danger he often acted on impulse. This was the simple truth that the five of them knew all to well.

They had all seen on many occasions the blind stupid nobility he had when something had ever happened to one of them or the Elric brothers. Usually it was something they could laugh about later, like how useless he was in the rain or the sick sense of humor he had when he tried to hook up Havoc and Armstrong's sister. But now no one was laughing.

Everyone's heads turned when Riza Hawkeye stood up, her mahogany eyes staring back at them. "I'm going to get him back." She said as she put her gun back in the holster of her belt. She knew that she might not find anything and that if she did it could easily be nothing more than his corpse but she could no longer sit here and wait.

The men quickly got up following her lead. They had all been thinking about it but she had been the first one to move, this was nothing new, she always had been. It only took a few minutes for them to be ready. Major Armstrong had even joined in for the cause along with a few other men. And so the small group of them set off, they were going to rescue Colonel Mustang.


	3. Chapter 3

3

Nearly two weeks. Roy Mustang had managed to survive for nearly two weeks, of course he had no idea how long it had been. They had stopped feeding him after his third day here and they had stopped giving him water two days ago. On top of that they had continued to beat him. Now the torture wasn't only physical it was mental. He had been forced to watch as other prisoners were murdered in front of him. When that didn't make him talk they resumed beating him. He wasn't even capable of movement without it causing an intense amount of pain.

Blood kept filling his mouth from the teeth that had been knocked loose. At first he had kept telling himself that it wasn't that bad. He was going to get through this, yes it hurt like hell, he couldn't even breath without a sharp pain from his broken ribs. After five days he had given it up. They had moved from breaking bones to whipping and stabbing. There was a long deep gash in his chest that just wouldn't stop bleeding. He had tried to make it stop but it wouldn't. It had slowed but there was always fresh blood spilling from the wound.

Now however there was no conscious movement from the colonel. He lay on the ground bleeding and shaking, his ragged breathing was audible in the small room but he hadn't actually moved for a day and a half. His captors had first tried to wake him up by pouring boiling water on him then freezing water but it had no effect. The man was good as dead so they had left him there to die.

It was later at night when many booted foot steps could be heard. "Check all the doors!"Havoc shouted as the small group ran down the hall. "Take everyone you find. Tell me if you find the Colonel!" The orders sounded odd to his own ears. He was praying to any sort of god that could possibly exist that they could find Mustang and at least give him a real burial. He hopped that wasn't the case and that they would find him alive but he wasn't going to give his hopes up.

"HAVOC WE FOUND HIM!" Breda yelled. He had gone down a side hall and at the last door he had found him. Behind all the other doors lay dead men. He had been sure the man in this room had been dead. He had only gotten closer to see if he could identify him. He had turned him over and after a few moments of gruesome shock he recognized the burned broken and bleeding man as Colonel Roy Mustang. He was alive, he looked like shit, he was shaking and his breathing was extremely labored and his pulse weak but he was alive.

Hearing this Havoc and Hawkeye ran down the hall but stopped when they saw the condition of their commanding officer. Tears were forming in Riza's eyes as Havoc looked down at him in shock.

"What sick bastard." He said in disgust as he looked at Mustangs hardly recognizable body. He was thin pale broken and bloody. He could see burns and saw him shaking. Riza picked him up, earning a pained groan from they dying man as her hands hit his broken bones. She tried to shift her hold on him but it wouldn't have mattered much. Havoc made to take him from her but she shot him a look of grief and determination.

"I got him. Lets go, he needs help fast or he is never going to make it." She said as she set off as fast as she could for the exit where they had a truck waiting for them, ready to take the wounded and dying away to the hospital or to the morgue.

"He's cold." She said as she lay him down in the back of the truck. She placed his head on her lap and caressed his bloody cheek. Havoc grabbed him a blanket as the truck roared to life. A field doctor came over and as soon as he looked at the Colonel his face palled. Everyone had heard of the hero Roy Mustang, and it was such a pity he had to be seen like this. He took what remained of his shirt away and looked at the horrific wounds on his chest and began to stitch it up. There was little he could do for the man in the back of a truck.

"I really don't know if he is even going to make through the trip." He informed Hawkeye who was still clinging to Mustang's body. She wasn't going to let him go. He couldn't die, not now, not here when she could have stopped this from ever happening. She cradled him in her arms against the bumps of the road. He looked so frail, not at all the man she had watched walk away. " Don't you leave me sir." She whispered in his ear hoping that he could hear her. "Don't you dare . . . Im so sorry I didn't keep my promise." She said as tears fell down her cheeks and onto his battered face.

His eyes fluttered open for a few seconds, looking up at her. She hadn't expected to see the dark eyes ever open again but he was looking at her. "We're going to save you sir." She told him as he shuttered in her arms. They hit a rather nasty bump and he yelped in pain as he closed his eyes again, once again consciousness leaving him. She held him tighter and pushed his blood soaked hair from his eyes. "It's going to be okay." She said but it was more for her own ears to hear than anyone else.


	4. Chapter 4

4  
Soldiers died every day during a war. Casualties were in the tens of thousands on each side, and that wasn't counting the civilian lives that had been lost. The scene and news of another man dying were nothing new. So why did it hurt so bad to be told that Roy Mustang was not going to make it threw the night?

They had reached the hospital three hours ago and the doctor had just come in giving them an update on his condition. He was still in surgery, trying hard to save the man but there was little chance that he would make it to see tomorrow. The news wasn't really surprising for those who had seen him laying in the cell.

The ride to the hospital had been horrible. There were so many bumps and guns had been fired, trying to stop them. Hawkeye had held him the whole way, and the men had stayed close by. Every jarring bump earned a yelp from the barley conscious Colonel who had stopped breathing three times on the way there. They had managed to revive him, but they all knew he wouldn't make it much longer if it kept up this way.

Hawkeye had completely broken down when the news was delivered. She had fallen to her knees tears streaming down her face as though a dam somewhere deep within her had finally burst, giving way to all the emotion she hadn't ever shown. Her cry was a heartbreaking sound. She had failed him. The only promise she had ever broken was the most important one. It had now ended with the life of the man she loved. She had let him take what was not his, something she should have faced herself not him, but she hadn't. She had let him walk away and now he was as good as dead. She wanted to die with him, she had no reason to live with him gone. She sobbed out his name again and again, crying for her colonel.

Havoc held her, hugging her tightly as she cried on her shoulder. He was trying his hardest to comfort the hysterical woman, it was something he had never been very good at, but he needed to do something. The lieutenant was like his sister. They were all like family in their little group. The news that they were going to loose Mustang was more than losing your commanding officer, the man who had saved you from his own fate, it was more like losing a beat friend, a brother. They had all believed in him. They had all wanted to see him reach the top and make Amstris a better place. They had thought at first that if nothing else came out of it, another war might help him raise threw the ranks again. It had in Ishbal, his skills were impressive and with the constant deaths it helped him rise fast.

They were all grieving, they had all been close to him, but not as much as she was. They had all suspected that there was something more to them than just a business or friendly relation ship, they had even made a few bets on how long it would be until one of them made a move. They were always together even when they weren't at work they had often been seen together shopping or whatever. He bet that they were in love, even if they had never admitted it.

"Lieutenant . . . Riza . . . it's going to be okay . . . They are trying to fix him . . . he's strong, he'll be okay." He said, his voice breaking a little as he tried to hold tears back. He wanted to cry, to grieve for the loss that they would soon all have to deal with and were already feeling its effect, but he couldn't, he needed to be strong for her right now, he wasn't going to let her break.

"This isn't your fault." He said knowing that all of them were feeling guilty for what had happened, they hadn't done anything to stop him and they had waited to long to find him. He himself felt responsible for not even saying anything to him. They had all been well aware of what he was doing, even though he hadn't told them.

The other men had sat down. Furry had taken off his glasses, a few tears falling down his cheeks. Falman was looking down, staring at his hands. Breda looked blankly at the wall in front of him lost in his own train of thought. They all heard Havocs words between Hawkeye's sobs, they all wanted to believe it but they didn't want to give his hopes up. They had all seen what shape Mustang had been in when they had rescued him and had brought him here.

Now that the first Lieutenant was crying, it seemed final. They had never seen her cry before. She had always been so strong, hiding any emotion from her face like a sturdy brick wall. Hearing her now was just as disturbing as the news they had just received. Things were over now.


	5. Chapter 5

5  
I am dead, aren't I? That was the first conscious thought in the mind of Roy Mustang as he held onto a thin thread of consciousness. He wasn't sure if this was a good or a bad thing. He wouldn't have to put up with the hell he had been in, but he would never be any closer in completing his goals. Dammit. But if he were really dead, he wouldn't be thinking would he? He had never been one to believe in such things as a god or an afterlife but he was sure he was dead. He couldn't move, his body felt like a hundred ton weight, he couldn't even lift his eyelids, so he couldn't see anything. He didn't feel anything but the heaviness and a dull throbbing throughout his body. So he had to be alive right?

A part of him was scared of this reality. What if for whatever reason, he stayed like this, thinking but unable to move. He could hear some noises but he couldn't tell what they were or where they were coming from. One sounded vaguely familiar, he thought it was a voice. A part of him thought he should recognize whoever seemed to be talking, he knew he had heard it before but he just couldn't place who it was. It sounded so far away, it only disoriented him more.

He tried to open his eyes. It was absolutely how pitiful it was that it took all of his strength to do something so fucking simple and he still couldn't do it. He heard the voice say his name that much was clear, Roy Mustang, he had heard it but he just couldn't hang onto his thoughts anymore, the lead weight of his body was too much and his thoughts ceased.

Havoc had walked outside as soon as Riza had regained a little of her composure and had gone to talk with one of the nurses. He had excused himself by saying he needed to smoke. It was true but mostly he just couldn't stand sitting there anymore. He lit a cigarette and put it in his mouth, the nicotine fix did wonders and it started to kick in quick. It helped him block things out. He played with the lighter as he watched the rain. He found the flame ironic in this type of weather, and just today in general.

"Roy Mustang, Please I need to see him." Riza Hawkeye had been pleading this for the last half an hour.

It was clear to the nurses that the woman had been crying, evens the ones that hadn't seen her break down. She hadn't been allowed to go in his room because of 'certain legalities' that said family only was aloud. They had tried to look up someone from his family but she knew it was pointless. His Father had died while he had been in Ishbal and his mother a few years later. She knew he had no siblings, she also knew of his sell sureness so it didn't come as a surprise when he had left the part of the information card saying who else should be contacted and who could make medical decision for him in cases, like this, when he couldn't do so himself. It was well known that she had pretty much babysat the Colonel while they sat in the office, making sure he did his work but this was ridiculous. Had she really needed to make sure filled out every paper that he looked at?

She wasn't sure if it was pity or a loophole that let her in but she was thankful for it. Taking a seat in the wooden chair next to his bed, she looked down at Roy. It shocked her to see him like this. Sure she had been there when they had found him, the image was burned forever in her mind. He looked dead. If she hadn't been able to see the uneven rising and falling of his chest she would have thought that she had come to late and the only reason she had been let in was that he had already died.

"Oh sir."She said with a sad sigh. She pushed some of his black hair away from his face. It was such a sharp contrast from his frighteningly pale skin. She noticed as her hand brushed her forehead that his skin was a little warmer than what it had been on the ride here, thank god, but it was still cold.

"I'm so sorry sir." She said wiping the fresh tears out of her eyes. She wished that he would open his eyes again, give her something that would give her some little ray of hope. Couldn't he just move a little, was it so hard to do that one thing for her?

"You are an idiot sir." She told him. It was almost like she was reprimanding him about trying to start a fire in the rain again. If only he would have said something back, it would have been like old times.

"Why did you do that?" she asked him as tears filled her eyes again " I know I'm not worth it, and the others. They believed in you dammit! And you are going to leave us here?" she wanted to hit him, shoot at him. She wanted him to hear her and know what he what he was putting them through, her through.

"Didn't you know that I loved you? Don't you know how much you hurt me sir? I know that you will never know it sir, but I just needed it to be said. I know it isn't proper, and admitting such things could get me in trouble, and if you ever felt the same thing you would be too, but I needed to say it. " She asked him. She knew he couldn't hear her buts he wanted to get it out. She didn't know if she could live if she didn't say it out loud. For so long she had been keeping it to herself, the only other who had ever known was Black Hayate and that was because the dog couldn't tell anyone. She felt like it was going to make her explode.


	6. Chapter 6

6

They had been told that he wouldn't make it threw the night, which was what they had believed but dreaded. So it was a great surprise for all of them when they received the news the next morning that he was still alive. However, his now worsened condition left no ones mind at ease.

He was still unconscious and he hadn't shown any sign of waking up since he had been brought here. His shivering from when they had first found had resumed but it wasn't from a chill anymore, a high fever had risen over the night as the infection from his many wounds slowly traveled throughout his body. It was safe to say that hope for him was quickly draining.

Everything was being done to try to at least stabilize him. They had done surgeries and he was now hooked up to IVs giving him nutrients, antibiotics and blood but it just wasn't working.

Riza had been allowed to spend the night. She hadn't left his side, worried that if she did something would happen to him. She had literally been counting his every breath as she watched helplessly as his condition worsened. She wasn't aware of letting her hand slip threw the bar to touch his arm but she could feel his now shocking warmth as she curled up on the chair she had been sitting on. It surprised her when she noticed that the sun was coming threw the window and from its bright shine it had probably been up for a while.

"How's he doing?" Havoc asked as he opened the door with a knock his usual unlit cigarette between his lips. He looked from Riza to Roy, as the others closely filled in behind him. He had no doubt that the blond woman in front of him had not slept at all that night. His mouth fell into a frown when he saw the other mans state. He looked, if it was at all possible, worse than he had when they had found him. His face had sunken in, his whole body just seemed so grey and frail.

"They let you in?" she asked looking up at the group surprised to see them.

"Well he has no actual family around, so I guess we count." Breda said

"He hasn't been doing very well. He's been getting worse actually." It was amazing how she could manage to keep all of her emotions out of her voice. She wanted to sob but she now had a hollow and slightly cold voice.

"If you want Lieutenant, one of us could stay here and you could get some sleep."Furry piped up tilting his head to the side noticing that she looked tired, well not just tired but absolutely exhausted.

"Thank you for the consideration, but I need to be here." She told him.

Her response really didn't surprise anyone. They all knew her devotion to the man laying comatose in the bed. It was sobering to look at her watching him so intently.

"Well if you don't want to rest, you should at least try to eat something." Havoc advised leaning against the wall in a casually but looking at the woman he was talking to with a glint of concern in his blue eyes. He really wondered what would happen to her if Mustang died . . . when he died it was really just a matter of time now. There was no more fooling them selves, they knew he was going to die and it wouldn't take long judging by his continually worsening condition.

She didn't look at him and didn't bother answering him either. It was obvious that she didn't want to talk, and she didn't want them there. The only thinking she wanted was a miracle that she knew would not come.

"I'll bring you some lunch in a while." He said getting the hint and the men left closing the door behind them.

"They are so worried about you sir. I wish you could see it, maybe it would make you feel a little more sure of your self, but maybe it is for the best because it might just make you angry." She told him when she heard the door click shut. She didn't cry. She just simply couldn't today. Her eyes still stung from all the tears that had fallen yesterday. "I'm not sure they will no what to do if you don't wake up. I don't know what I would do." She straightened a wrinkle in his blanket. "We need you sir."

She looked up from the blanket she had been staring blankly at for a few seconds when she felt movement and something warm curling over her hand. Roy had curled his fingers around her hand. Riza smiled for the first time in what felt like eternity.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

She loved him? Had he really heard correctly or had he been dreaming it? He wasn't exactly sure but he hoped it was the first one. Why had he done it, wasn't it obvious? It surprised him that she had asked this question, she more than anyone should have known this. He wouldn't be held responsible for his men's deaths if there was any way he could stop it. They were his men, his friends, his family. Why wouldn't he do that? He was certain that she would have done the same thing if she had been in his shoes.

She wasn't worth it? How the hell could she not think she was worth it. She didn't need to be sorry. She hadn't done anything wrong. He wanted to hug her, to pull her close to him. He wanted to yell at her for not thinking she was worth a little but of pain, ok a little was an understatement, if it wasn't for the large amount of morphine he was sure just breathing would make him cry out. Knowing they were okay was worth it, knowing that she was in here touching him sure as hell made it worth it.

He was an idiot, well that was not the first time she had called him that. Usually that, like everything else she said, was true. Usually he had done something that should have been obvious wouldn't work like he had thought it would, but not this time. This time she was being the stupid one for not believing in herself. It wasn't always her fault, hell it rarely was.  
The others believed in him. She had said that before. She had told him about how much they admired him. That was great and all but what did it matter if they believe in him? It was nice to know that his men ad some faith in him but he didn't care all that much about what they thought. He wanted her to believe in him.

He didn't mean to hurt her. He had done it to save her, to save all of them. Did she seriously not know that he loved her to? Had he been that stupid? Had he really been stupid enough to not let her know somehow how he felt for her? Fuck, he hadn't told her and there was no real promise that he would get the chance again. Why hadn't he told her? Had he been scared that she would reject him? Had he not seen past her loyalty or had her act been that good? Was he seriously that blind not to have noticed that there was more to her than loyalty before now?

He could feel her touch and with all his strength he had he managed to curl his splinted fingers around her hand before his mind blacked out once more.

She had fallen asleep. Her head had rested on the edge of his bed, their hands still holding each others. Havoc had walked in a while ago and left some food for her on the bedside table. Her hair had been let down from its usual clip and hung down around her face and shoulders. Her much needed sleep was interrupted when she heard violent coughing coming from the man next to her. Instantly she stood up ready to get the doctor if needed but she stopped when she saw his eyes open.

"Sir?" she asked her face reflecting the concern in her voice. Her hand went back to his. "Can you hear me?"  
His eyes squinted against the dim light of the room. Even such a small amount of light was more than he had seen in weeks. The world seemed to spin and swam in and out of focus. He was trying to focus on where her voice had come from but he found it too hard.

"Lieutenant?" he asked a little uncertainly. He was sure that it was her voice he had heard but he had closed his eyes to keep from getting sick from the sudden vertigo. Was he still being held hostage or had he been freed? He couldn't remember either way.

"How . . . How are you feeling?" she asked him her voice faltering for a moment.

"Like shit . . . Where am I." His voice was a little rough and hoarse from disuse

"The military hospital in Central sir."

"How long have I been here?" He asked. So he had been freed. Thank god. He had been horrified that she had tried to rescue him and they were both stuck in that hell hole

"Three days. You were missing for two weeks."

"Is everyone else ok?" Had it only been that long? What had happened to the others? He had only heard her talk about them. Had they all made it back alright?

"Yes, they are worried about you. General Hakuro took over Lior yesterday."

"That's good." He said. What a relief it was to know that they were staying home.

"I can't move." He told her his voice had no emotion in it but he was worried that he wouldn't be able to move again.

"I know sir and you shouldn't try too hard or you are going to hurt your self more."

"How bad is it?" He asked her. He could only feel a dull ache throughout his body from the dose of morphine he had received about an hour ago.

"I'll let the doctor fill you in on your injuries. I should tell him you are awake." She said after a moments silence.

Was she avoiding his question? He has caught the hint of hesitancy in her voice. What wasn't she telling him? His eyes shot open again to see her by the door. The world still seamed like he was looking out through a dirty window in a spinning car but he was looking at her. He knew something was wrong by the look on her face.

"What happened?" he asked

"It isn't my place to tell you sir. I will be right back."

"What the hell are you hiding from me? Tell me dammit, that's an order."

She sighed and walked back to him trying hard to keep her face from giving away anymore of her emotions before she spoke again.

"You were hurt really badly sir. They told us that you wouldn't make it threw the first day. Your wounds are infected so you have been fighting a septic infection. You have several broken bones. They have done five surgeries to try to repair some of the worst of the injuries and internal bleeding but you really haven't been doing well sir. They have been talking about amputating your right arm because it's just a mangled mess. We lost you three times on the way here. You have had us all scared."

He had tried to get into a sitting position but had only managed to raise his head which had caused a blinding pain in his head so he had lay back down closing his eyes and listened to her.

"I heard you talking to me when I was out. Was what you said really true? About you loving me?" He asked opening his eyes and after a few seconds looked at her.

She didn't say anything but gave him a smile and turned around and went out the door.

(OH MY GOD, something good happened lol XD)


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

When he heard the door closed behind her Roy closed his eyes trying to get back to sleep. Waking up hadn't been the best thing ever, he was starting to feel the pain of just breathing again. He knew he didn't have long to sleep, as soon as she came back with the doctor he would have to wake up again but he was going to use the time he had to his advantage.

"Well I can honestly say that I didn't expect you to wake up colonel. I guess when they told me you were a quote 'stubborn man.' they were not lying."

When he heard someone talking, Roy gave a sound of annoyance. His two minuets of much wanted sleep had been interrupted, but he couldn't help but smirk as he wondered who had made that comment. His bet was on Havoc, maybe Brada.

He slowly opened an eye to see who he guessed was the doctor standing next to him. He was a thin and short man, maybe around the same size as Edward was. He had steel grey hair and thick glasses, he was guessing that he was in his late fifties.

The doctor leaned over the bed wit a light and shone it in his eyes which earned him another annoyed grunt as Mustang closed his eyes against it for a moment before he gave it up when it gave him a worse headache than he had.

"A little hyperactive reaction but between a severe concussion and the assumption that you haven't seen normal light in a while it isn't a surprise."

No shit he hadn't seen normal light in a while. If he already knew what the reaction would be, was it really necessary for him to test it? Would he just shut up and leave him alone for a while? His head was pounding like he had the worst hangover he could imagine. The light and the noise really wasn't helping anything.

"The people who came with you were sure happy to get the news you had woke up. I don't think they have left the building since they brought you in." He said as he moved his arm to pull away the bandages that had been wrapped against Roy's right arm which made him wince. "Especially the woman who has been with you. I see where all the hype comes from. You live up to the stories that have been told around here. "

Did he really think he was in the mood for a conversation, or really cared about any of the new stories that had came up about him while he was gone? Speaking of Hawkeye, he was a little surprised when she hadn't come back with the doctor. He guessed she was the one who told the others that he had woken up.

"They injured your arm pretty badly. You've been on some pretty strong antibiotics but it hasn't gotten rid of the infection. This might hurt." he warned as he pulled away the last layer that had stuck to the skin.

Roy hissed in pain before he turned his head to see how bad it was. He knew it would be bad. It hurt like a mother fucker and Hawkeye had said it was mangled to the point of considering amputation but when he actually saw it, it made his stomach turn. The skin looked dead, like it belonged on a corpse. It was a sickly grey slightly yellow-green color with purple-red lines running up and down up the length of it, the tell tell sign of infection. It was swollen and stitches ran up his arm.

He remembered them breaking his arms bone by bone on the first day. He remembered up to about what might have the fifth day when they had put the knife threw his shoulder and cut his arm up like a loaf of bread but he didn't remember what the hell had happened to make it look like that.

"She said she told you about how bad it was." he said looking at his expression of sick surprises.

"She did, I just didn't think it was that bad." He said realizing that it really was stupid of him to think that she might have been exaggerating. It was Hawkeye after all.

"If the infection doesn't get under control in the next few days we will have to amputate it to keep the infection from spreading past the arm."

"That is what she said."

"She has been worried about you."

"She always dose." Was he really going to stand there and give him a lecture right now?

"Hearing about you, I can see why."

He didn't answer, he just wanted to go back to sleep.

"Is she a girlfriend?"

"No, she is my first lieutenant." Did it seriously matter to him what relation ship he had with her? Had he not seen her in her uniform, that alone would tell him how far their relationship would have been. She couldn't be hid girlfriend, his wife or anything other than his subordinate and a friend. It was something else he would change if he ever actually reached his goal of becoming Fuhrer.

"You should be thankful for her, for all of them."

"Yeah, I know. I –" He broke off when the doctor touched his shoulder. The pain in the touch caught him off guard. Such a light touch sent such an intense pain shooting up his arm he had to bite his lip hard to keep from crying out. He jerked his arm away but it only created more pain. His eyes squoze tightly shut as his breaths became shallow. It had now became a good thing that Riza wasn't here to see the sudden burst of raw pain.

The doctor was a little suprised at such a strong reaction to just a simple touch. When his body didn't start to relax after a few seconds he gave him another shot of morphine. Such sensitivity wasn't a good sign.

When the doctor left the room half an hour later, Riza walked in and took her place next to the man who she guessed was sleeping. "Yes sir, it was really true." as soon as the words were out of her mouth Roy smiled.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

"Mornin' Chief!" Havoc said with his usual carefree grin back on his face as he walked into the room. He was followed closely by the other three men.

Their arrival caused a groan from the colonel who desperately wanted to pick up the pillow and press it over his head to block them out. Unfortunately for him, he just didn't have the energy to actually move, and if he had, moving wouldn't have been worth the pain it would have caused. He might as well just give up on going to sleep anytime soon.

"Well it's nice to see you to sir." Breda said but couldn't help a smile. The colonel must be okay, he was back to his usual self.

"Johnson and Gremlich came by, they wanted us to see you but you were still out. Some others have been asking about how you are doing also."

"Are they all right?" He asked once again trying to sit up, which just wasn't possible in his present condition.

"A few minor injuries but we're all a hell of a lot better off that you are."

It wasn't that he wasn't happy to see his men. He was happy to see with his own eyes that they had all really come back in one piece. He just really didn't feel like talking or listening. He felt like returning to the deep dreamless drug induced sleep.

"No offense, but you sure can be stupid sometimes colonel."Breda said

What the hell was it with them calling him stupid? They were the stupid ones for thinking that what he had done for them was just done out of stupidity.

"How are you feeling sir?" Furry asked

"Just great." He said his voice dripping with venomous sarcasm.

"Grumpy ass sarcastic colonel who sounds like his date just got canaled and he got more paperwork, pay up Falman." Havoc said. They had bet on what 'mood' he would be in before they came in. Breda had almost won when he said he wouldn't say anything but answering made Havoc win.

"So it was you who said I was a stubborn ass of a man?" he asked Havoc slightly amused

"Who said that?" he asked. Yes it had been him but who had told the doctor? His eyes went to Hawkeye but he couldn't see her repeating that.

"That's what the doctor said practically as soon as he came in the door."

"Well you can't say that it isn't true." Breda said and they all laughed.

"So really, how are you feeling, you have had us all scared and depressed sleeping in the waiting room." Havoc asked. He loved to tease the colonel whenever the opportunity came up and he knew that is was a little out of character to be worried but seeing him when they had found him had shaken him up pretty badly.

He was fully aware of the risks that came with the job, he had seen others get hurt, he had been hurt a few times. He had seen friends die. He knew that they all got a little banged up sometimes. A few stitches, broken bones, bumps and bruises they were nothing new to any of them, but to see the man you looked up to in such bad shape was something he wasn't going to get out of his head for a while.

Roy's face was expressionless as he looked up at them. Havoc wasn't nearly as dumb as some might think he was. He knew that Havoc knew there was something wrong, well beyond what was obvious. He knew that he owed them for their loyalty and worry an update about what was really going on, that his military career might be over depending in what happed in the next few days. He knew that if his arm was amputated and he got auto-mail he would be out for a while, and would undoubtably be replaced in the time it took him to recover. He had seen it happen enough. Sure there was Ed but he had gone through it before he had officially decided to join the military.

"Hey, earth to Mustang, you all right?" He asked when Roy spaced out and was staring blankly at the wall behind them.

"Yeah I'm fine, like you said I'm a stubborn ass of a man, I'll be out of here in no time." He told him with his best attempt at a smirk which was apparently enough for them.

When they left an hour or so later Roy closed his eye with an exhausted sigh as the door opened and clicked shut softly behind Riza as she came back in the room

" You didn't tell them did you?" Riza asked as she walked in a few minuets later. She had let the boys talk by them selves and she took a small break. It was nice to have a little time by herself without extreme worrying,

"There is no need to worry them more than what they have been." He told her turning his head to look at her. She looked better, like she might have gotten some sleep and something to eat. He loved it when she let her hair down.

"Do you really think you could hide it if the worse happens?" she asked him wondering how he had not seen that obvious detail. "There are things that even you can't hide sir."

He sighed. Dammit, did she always have to be right?

"I will worry about that when it happens. I don't honestly give a damn right now." He told her hoping he would understand that he was ready to pass out.

"You are such a procrastinator." She told him with a fond but a little bit of a teasing smile. She knew he was tired. It was why she wasn't going deeper with the conversation.

"And you are beautiful." He said closing his eyes and letting his head on the pillow.

She stared at him after this comment, her cheeks going shades of red they had never gone before. Beautiful? Did Roy Mustang really think she was beautiful or was it because he was so drugged he had a hard time carrying on a conversation, let alone keeping his eyes open for more than a half hour?

"I don't think you know what you are talking about sir." She told him

"And you say I'm the stupid one." He said with a small smile before falling asleep.

**Fluffy chapter, not a whole lot going on but it will change and go back to its usual what the hell is going on angstyness. Thanks for reading and please review. **


	10. Chapter 10

Back to angstyness yeay!

**Chapter 10**

Riza's eyes snapped opened and she sat bolt upright in the seat she had been sleeping on. She wasn't sure what had woken her up so suddenly. It was early, the room was dark because the sun hadn't risen yet. When she looked at the clock on the wall it was only 3 :00 in the morning. She was going to excuse it as just hearing one of the nurses leaving after checking up on the colonel, but she was going to check on Roy herself anyway.

When she looked at him, she could tell that there was something wrong. It was obvious to her even in the darkness. She scanned his body for any sign of new injury but found none. She touched his neck feeling his pulse which was rapid but weak like his breathing that she could now hear. His fever had risen dramatically during the night. She pulled back his blankets in a quick effort to try to cool him down.

"Sir." She said tapping his face in an attempt to wake him up. When he didn't respond, she shook his shoulder a little but she was trying not to hurt him.

He gave a low groan when she touched him and turned his head away from her in response. His eyes blinked opened but they were unfocused and fogged over from illness. He tried to move away from her hand so he could sleep in peace but he only managed to whimper.

"Sir, can you hear me?" She asked. It worried her to see him in such bad shape. He had been doing well this morning, what had happened?

"If you are playing a game I promise I will shoot you." She warned him trying to get him conscious enough to drink some water and tell he that he was okay, but he didn't. Panic steadily rising she went out of the room to find a nurse.

"Hello Lieutenant." A blond haired nurse she had seen a few times said as she walked closer to the nurses station. "Can I help you?"

"It's Colonel Mustang. I think something is wrong with him." She said her voice level and her face expressionless but her eyes were full of concern which was just visible in the dim light.

"What is the matter?" the nurse asked looking up at her as she started to stand up.

"His fever has risen, and he's unresponsive when I wake him." She explained to her before leading the nurse back to the room.

As she stood in the doorway, Riza watched the nurse closely for any sign on how the colonel was doing one way or the other. When the nurse frowned, her whole body tensed up as she waited for the nurse to say something.

"What's wrong?" She asked taking a step closer to them.

"I'm going to call Doctor Johnson." The nurse said.

Riza's eyes widened a little, having to call in the doctor because the nurse couldn't take care of it was not a good sign. Something was very wrong. Her mind was racing with things that might be wrong with the man in front of her, each worse than the last.

"Do you know what is wrong?" she asked her again her panic starting to crack through her calm facade.

"He will be able to tell you better than I can." She told her with a half smile. She hardly knew the other woman but her worry was unnerving even to her.

Fifteen minuets later the short doctor walked into the room. He looked up to where Riza was standing protectively next to Roy's bed.

"I'm sorry Miss Hawkeye, but I'm going to ask you to step outside." He told her. He really wasn't sure if the woman wold give up her protective watch over the colonel so easily but it would be very welcomed if she didn't protest, he just wasn't up for arguing this early in the morning.

With a sigh she slowly walked out of the room and closed the door behind her. She stood there, refusing to go farther than arms reach of the door knob as she waited anxiously for the doctor to let her back in. It wasn't as if she hadn't seen everything that the doctor might see in there. She had seen his wounds before they had been closed and the bones had been set, not to mention what she had seen on the job, hell she had even seen the colonel nude before on a few occasions.

It was hard for her to just stand out here. She didn't want to leave him but she knew it would've done more damage than good if she had protested it. Her thoughts were interrupted when an agonized scream filled the air. In a split second she had thrown the door open and burst into the room, hand on her gun, ready to draw and shoot whatever had caused him that much pain.

Roy's teeth were gritted hard and his eyes were squoze shut, against the pain. The little color that had been in his face during the day was gone leaving him ghostly pale. His chest was heaving as if he had just run a marathon. Her eyes shot to the doctor who was looking at her with a bit of surprise. She looked him over carefully, he hadn't done anything more that start to take the bandages off of Roy's mangled arm.

"Sorry," she said still too on edge to be embarrassed by her over reaction. She dropped her hand from her gun relaxing a little but still worried "What is wrong with him?"

"The infection is spreading quite rapidly. I'm going to take him to surgery."

"To-" Her face fell, it couldn't be what she thought, he had been doing so much better today. She was cut short by the doctor

"To amputate it, yes. If it isn't done quickly, the infection will kill him. I will contact you with more information as soon as I can." He told her as he wheeled the bed out of the room.

She watched them leave and went out to the waiting room. The men had left after they had talked to the colonel, believing that he was out of the woods. She was debating with herself on calling them or not. It was late, she would be waking them up but they would want to know what was going on, but would Roy want them to know? He hadn't told them about it when he had talked to them, should she? He had told her he would when the time came, wasn't now the time?

She sighed as she walked over to the payphone in the corner and deposited a few coins from her pocket into the slot. She wasn't sure if she wanted someone to answer or not.

"Hello?" A tired female voice answered after a few rings. She was obviously a little annoyed at being awoken at 3:30 in the morning.

"Gracia?" She already knew that she was the one who had answered. Gracia was the only one she knew who would be able to understand what she was going through right now.

"Yes. Who is this?" She asked instantly becoming awake and worried because she knew it was not a wrong number.

"This is Riza Hawkeye. I know it's late but I needed to call." She said hoping she hadn't woken up Elysia.

"Riza. What is the matter? What's wrong?" She asked, no one called this early for a good thing.

"It's Roy." She said trying her best to keep her voice from shaking.

"Oh God. Are you all right? What happened? I didn't know that you guys were back yet."Gracia said wondering what had happened. Had he been killed? She liked Roy, he and Maes had always made her laugh when they had been together. He had been her husbands best friend and someone he beleived in, she couldn't help but think him a friend even after her Maes' death. She also knew what Roy meant to Riza, she knew that they loved each other more than anything. Even if Maes hadn't constantly talked about it, it was obvious to see whenever you saw them look at each other or heard them talk about one another.

"I'm fine. We came back just a few days ago." She said as she leaned against the cold wall, it felt good against her skin. " Roy was taken prisoner in Lior about a month ago."

"Riza, I am so sorry." She said empathetically. When Maes had died, nothing would have helped her more than having someone there to talk to who understood.

"We're at the hospital right now. We found him, and he is alive, but he was hurt pretty badly."

"Do you want me to come down? I could be there in half an hour." She offered worried about her friend.

"I- I just . . . I failed him Gracia. I didn't protect him like I promised. I failed him and because of it . . . " she trailed off not wanting to say what might happen. "I don't even know what they did to him. I failed him. I don't know how I can live with myself right now. I could have stopped it. He traded himself for us and I never even said anything to him. I didn't try to stop him. It's the only promise I've ever broken and it caused this much damage. I failed him." She chocked out no longer able to hold back a sob

"No, you didn't. Riza you did not fail him. I'm sure he will be fine." She knew she took it hard when something happened to Roy, when things didn't go perfectly. She always blamed herself for things that couldn't be helped. Gracia had never heard the blond cry and it broke her heart to hear her now. She wanted to hug her, like she had when they had told her about Maes. She wanted a way to comfort her friend.

" He's in surgery right now, and they're amputating his arm. They tried to save it but it was mangled pretty badly and they couldn't stop the infection. It's made him really sick and I didn't notice until he was completely incoherent. I am so stupid "

Gracia stayed quiet for a minute realizing just how badly hurt he must be. Even if she had believed that to be his only injury it did not look good for him.

"I'll be right there okay?" she said "Just let me take Elysia to my mothers."

"No, it's all right, I didn't mean to bother you, I just needed to talk to someone."

"You might not think that you need it Riza, but I'm coming over. What floor are you on?"

"5th. But this really isn't necessary." But it didn't matter what she said, Gracia had hung up the phone.

With a sigh, Riza hung up the phone and sat down on the floor. She drew her legs to her and rested her head on her knees making herself as small as possible as she was left to her thoughts and left waiting. Waiting for news on Roy's condition, waiting for Gracia to come, waiting for the dawn to lessen the darkness that both literally and figuratively surrounded her, waiting for a change, for something good to actually happen. Riza Hawkeye had always hated waiting.


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11 **

Riza sat curled up under the phone, her forehead resting on her knees and hair acting like a curtain or a cover to hide her from everything else in the world but her thoughts. She had said that she would go with him to the top, this seemed as far as he was going to get and it was her fault because she had neglected her duty to protect him. She wasn't a wife waiting worriedly at home, she was his lieutenant and she had made him a promise that she hadn't kept. She stayed there for half an hour before Gracia came in. She couldn't get the thoughts of how she had failed him out of her mind.

"Riza?" Gracia asked. She knelt next to her and put a gentle hand on her shoulder. One of the many advantages of being a mother to a small child was that you learned how to fit into the smallest spaces possible.

Riza lifted her head and smiled half a smile when she saw Gracia there. She couldn't help but find the irony at their switched places. It had only been about a year ago that she was the one who had come to comfort Gracia. The pain she had seen her go through seemed unreal to her, like something she could never feel but she was sure that this was damn close.

"Thank you." Riza said crossing her legs, letting a bit of her guard down. "But you didn't need to come, I just needed to get some things out."

"Have you heard anything?" Gracia asked sitting next to her ignoring her later comment, no matter how hard she denied, not even Riza Hawkeye could handle everything her self. One of the advantages of being the mother of a small child was learning how to fit in even the smallest spaces.

"No, no one has come out yet." She told her, it had only been forty-five minuets but each second felt like a hour.

"He's going to be okay." Gracia said trying to comfort her. She wrapped an arm around her friend. She knew that Riza had never been the kind who enjoyed physical contact, but some cases it was always needed.

"I could have saved him" Riza said, her voice barley above a whisper as she voiced her guilt once again. She felt like she had tortured him herself.

"I know you feel like you could have, but you need to learn to realize it isn't always your fault and learn to go with whatever happens."

"But I could have. He traded himself for us, I saw him walking in and I did nothing to stop him . I wasn't even a foot away from him, he passed me the ring with the philosophers stone in it, I should have done something . . It's about the same as Roy feels about Maes, but I know that I had the chance to stop it but I didn't."

Gracia sighed, she knew how Roy felt about Maes. He had seemed stressed and unsure every time they had talked, something she had never seen him be before. But it was nice to get some feelings out in the open, she was tired of people avoiding anything to do with her dead husband in front of her, it was nice to feel like she could talk and it wouldn't be awkward.

"Did you think he was going to let his best men be captured? Especially you, he would have done it no matter what you did. Maes had been told not to look in to matters any deeper than he had but he knew if he did he could benefit some of the people he cared most about. Both of them are selfless to a fault, they would do anything for the people they loved."

"Especially me? I don't know what you are talking about." She said looking up confused. He wouldn't have done it for her, she wasn't worth him by any means.

" I never thought I would tell you this, but don't be dumb. I know you love him and it isn't very hard to see that he fells the same way about you." She said slightly stunned that she had never been able to pick that up.

"I don't know what you are talking about He'd never see me as more than just a friend at the most." She said claiming ignorance one all of the things between her and the colonel. It wasn't something that could get out to the public, or to anyone but the select few in the military for that matter.

"Think about it, who is the one person he always makes sure is by his side?" She asked, there were few times she had seen Roy with out Riza only a few steps away. There only times she had seen him with out her was when he was with Maes.

"I think Maes rubbed off on you." She said with a faint hint of a smile crossing her lips. It was amazing how ones tactics that were once found very annoying were so dearly missed when they were no longer around.

"No, he just couldn't keep his mouth shut when it wasn't about work." Gracia shot back and returning the smile. The two of them had always be considered friends instead of Maes' co-workers.

Riza blushed and looked back down at the carpet wondering what exactly Maes had told her about the relationship between them. No matter how much either of them had denied his claims he had always had the same thoughts, who knew that one day they would have admitted it?

They sat in silence for a while, just taking in each others company under the cramped space under the telephone. Sometimes words weren't needed. Actions speak louder than words, or so the old saying goes, the best thing to comfort a breaking heart was sometimes just sitting with a friend. They must have dozed off because the next thing Riza knew she was hearing a set of foot steps on the linoleum floor coming closer.

**Sorry not much happened and it took so long my laptop is being stupid.**


	12. Chapter 12

This chapter is a flashback and it's a torture scene and I think I got a little descriptive with it so you have been warned.

**Chapter 12**

In a dark cell a man sat with his hands chained behind his back tethering him to the brick wall behind him and adding more pain to his already battered body. His head was hung low as if asleep, dark hair covering his face. The only contrast to the darkness was his ghostly pale skin visible through the tatters of his shirt. He only stirred when a commotion could be heard outside the dark cell. He strained to listen to the noise and not the pounding in his head. His dark eyes opened but saw nothing he didn't think he would but Roy was still starting to panic.

They hadn't come back had they? He had done all he could think of to make damn sure the others wouldn't turn around and come back, if they had and they were to get recaptured, all the suffering he had endured for the last week would have been for nothing. He had seen the look in Riza's eyes and knew it would be a wonder if anything would get in her way. He sighed in bitter relief when he realized that it was only an argument in the cell across from his over what sounded like food. He found it ironic that he was wishing against his own rescue.

His thoughts were interrupted when the door opened and bright light flooded the room giving him an instant headache. He had become use to the total darkness that he had been in for two days making it hard for his eyes to adjust.

"So, what is it today Mustang? Are you going to stop trying to be the heroic martyr or are you going to do something useful?" The man asked closing the door behind him and turning the light on overhead and walked closer to the chained man in front of him.

Not giving him the satisfaction of having an answer either way, Roy ignored the man completely, closing his eyes again. He felt his head pulled back so that he was face to face with the other man. He cracked one eye opened looking at the man wondering what they would do to him today, but he didn't much care anymore.

"You surprise me." The man said looking at the bruises and blood that covered most of the left half of Roy's face. "They tell me that you were quite the playboy in Central, would you really give all that up because you are too fucking proud to say a few words? As soon as we think we figure you out we learn something that changes everything."

He didn't have time to reply before a knife was plunged into his thigh to the hilt. He didn't make a noise but for a sudden intake of breath. His lack of reaction was only angering the man again so he pulled the knife down to Roy's knee earning a yelp as the crimson liquid stained the dirty dark blue fabric of the military pants black.

"You make a great rag doll, but we both know that is not what we want." The man said as his fist connected with the colonels face, splitting his lip again. He looked over the man, looking for some sign of weakness that he could manipulate to at least get the black-haired man to scream. He pulled the knife from his leg and nicked his upper arm.

Roy stiffened when he saw him go for his arms, they had been broken in several places on the first day and having them tied had only made the pain worse. He hoped that the other man hadn't noticed the sudden change and he would stop, but fate just wasn't on his side, he should have known that by now because it rarely ever was.

"Oh, you don't like that?" The man asked mockingly. "How about this?" He asked with a dangerous smile as he grabbed his arm and sliced down to his wrist, staining the tattered remains of what was once a shirt. The colonel's scream was music to his ears. He kept his grip tight on his arm earning another whimper.

"It would be so easy to stop this, all you have to do is tell me where they are making the philosophers stone. We know that they aren't making it in one of the main labs. We've looked. Tell us where and I'll let you go."

"I already told you. I don't know." Roy said through clenched teeth.

"And we already told you to stop lying, we know that you know so lets make it easier on us both and tell me."

"We both know I'm not going to tell you anything, and so you aren't going to let me go so why don't you just kill me already, that is what it's going to come to, we both know it, so save yourself the time."

"You will talk, eventually everyone does. All it takes is finding what it takes to make someone break. You're no use to us dead yet Mustang." The man said taking the knife and standing up and walking out.

Roy looked up and watched the man walk away, happy he had left but knowing full well that the break would end shortly and the torture would continue. He tried to take advantage of the time by taking a nap, needing rest but he was too on edge to do anything. Any chance of falling asleep ended as the door opened and two more men walked in, oh joy.

"So, are you feeling like being useful yet?" one of them asked as they walked in. One untied his hands while the other pinned him down.

"Never. I'm surprised the Lieutenant didn't tell you how useless I am." Roy said looked up at them and gave them one of his famous smirks, or as close to one as he could get as he bit his lip in pain from being moved and prepared himself for the next round.

The man stretched Mustang's arm out watching as the broken bones were forced to move and smiled when he heard the colonels yell of pain cut short when the man on top of him kneed him in the chest, knocking the air from his lungs.

"They told us that you don't like cooperating, well I think we can change that." The man on top of him said taking something from his pocket and handing it to the other man. "You might not like it but it should help you come to your senses."

Roy couldn't see what was being passed so he looked back up at the man pinning him down, if he could just move a little, he might be able to at least get one hit in now that he wasn't tied up. If he would just bend down a little farther, he could head butt him. He didn't like where this was going and he hated feeling defenseless.

While he had been distracted the man at his arm had taken the one of the nails handed to him and a hammer from his belt. Placing the tip of the nail on Mustang's palm he beat it in. An ear splitting scream filled the room as muscle skin and tendons ripped away and the nail was pushed all the way threw.

Teeth gritted together as he panted through the pain Roy turned his head to see the blood spilling threw his hand. Holy fuck, these guys were nuts and he knew that they weren't done yet.

"Do you want us to stop?" the man asked letting him feel the tip of another nail digging into his forearm.

Roy didn't respond. He bit his lip waiting for the next hammer blow and the inevitable pain.

"I don't hear any objections so . . . " His sentence was finished with the sickening thud of metal on metal going threw skin.

Roy didn't scream this time, He groaned but he bit his lip tight, his face twisted in pain. There was another thud and the sound of bones cracking. Blood began to fill Roy's mouth as his teeth tore into his lip muffling his cries. By the time the nail had gone through blood was dripping from his chin and Roy lay unconscious.

"Oh come on Mustang, that all you can stand?" the man holding him down said with a laugh as he felt the colonel go limp "Go get some water." He ordered the other, "He isn't getting done this easily."

Three minuets later Mustang was sputtering awake after having a bucket of water dumped on his head. Coughing the water and blood from his mouth he tried to sit up only to realize that the man was still sitting on his chest, making it harder to breathe then it already was.

"Didn't think we were going to let you take it easy did you?" the man asked as he pulled suddenly and hard on his arm pulling the shoulder from its socket, earning another yelp of pain from Mustang. He put another nail where the bone and socket should have met.

Knowing what was coming next, Roy bit his already raw and bloody lip and closed his eyes wishing they hadn't bothered waking him up for this.

"Uh-uh, you're going to watch this one." The man pinning him said turning his head and pressing his knee to his ribs making his eyes water but Roy opened them, there wasn't any sense in trying to delay it.

"You have one more chance to spill it." He said holding the nail steady against his skin.

"Just do it!" Roy hissed, the anticipation was almost making him sick.

The hammer seemed to fall in slow motion but it was to fast for him to properly brace him self and another bone chilling cry ripped from his throat. He could see the blood slowly pooling around the head of the nail, growing and spilling over with every hit of the hammer and forming a new pool on the cold cement floor.

He was vaguely aware of the man on top of him getting off of him and hearing the door close leaving the room in darkness again. Once he was able to start breathing normally, he tried to go back to sleep, accepting the fact that he was going to die here like a dog on the side of the road.


	13. Chapter 13

**Only warning is for language in this chapter. It's back to normal, so it's not a flashback.**

**Chapter 13**

"Miss Hawkeye?" A low male voice asked causing both women to look up and quickly stood up when they saw that he was a doctor. Riza hadn't seen him before, instead of the grey hair old man, he appeared to be around Gracia's age.

"Yes?" Riza said, her voice it's usual calm

"I'm here to update you on Mr. Mustang."

Riza's face was its usual emotionless mask, but so was the doctor's, making it impossible for her to guess what the news was going to be.

"We found out what was causing the infection. Rust and small shards of copper were imbedded in the bone around the wound in his shoulder."

"So can you fix his arm?" She asked with a glimmer of hope coming threw a small crack in her stone wall exterior.

"The infection has gone into the bone marrow. It's no longer fixable." He said. "He should be out in a few hours, but the surgery has been temporally delayed while until he is stabilized."

"Stabilized?" She asked raising an eyebrow in concern. Despite her calm appearance her mind was racing a hundred thoughts a second of things that may have gone wrong causing them to have to stabilize him.

"Rapid decrees of blood pressure, but it's been going back up quickly, and there has been no further complications. Are there any other questions I can answer for you at the moment?" He asked.

"No, thank you." Riza said with a bit of a smile as he turned around and left. Once he was gone, she sighed and sank back down into a chair. It was nice to know what was going on, but it still didn't get the horrible feeling she had.

"Are you okay?" Gracia asked sitting back down in the chair next to her friend looking at her a little worriedly.

"Yeah, I'm fine. It's just been a long few weeks." She said before standing up again.

"Do you want something to eat?" Gracia asked her, wondering when the last time Riza had eaten something.

"I need to make a call first." She said walking back over to the pay phone and dropping the coins into the slot before dialing. If she didn't do it now, she might not get around to it today and she didn't want to be asked by four angry men repeatedly 'Why didn't you say something?'

Ring . . . Ring . . . Ring . . .

"Hello?" came the groggy and annoyed voice of Jean Havoc along with a couple of hacking coughs. She could practically hear the annoyed look he had at being woken up early through the phone.

"Jean, this is Riza." She said slightly curiously as to what his first reaction would be, but she couldn't help be amused at his obvious displeasure. He was like a brother to her. Annoying, bothering and being a pain to him just came with that, but the situation of what she was calling him for didn't let her get to at ease.

"Riza, do you have any idea what time it is? It's 5 fucking 45 in the damn morning. I'm not late for work." He said still trying to wake up and fighting the urge to slam the phone back down.

"That isn't why I am calling." She said with a sigh but couldn't help but to smile a little. At least his attitude in the morning hadn't changed. It was nice to have some things stay the same.

"Then what's wrong?" he asked pulling a chair from the nearby kitchen table and sat down. If she wasn't calling about work something was going on, and with his luck it was probably seriously funked up. Would it really be that hard for whatever the hell it was to wait till he was awake before they did whatever it was that was going on?

"They took Roy into surgery a couple of hours ago." She told him her over practiced calm tone wavered ever so slightly letting him know that she was dead serious.

"He was fine yesterday, what the hell happened?" He asked suddenly finding himself very awake.

"The infection in his arm was getting worse, it was killing him, I' in as much shock as you are, I knew he was sick but I had no idea that it was going to be this bad." She paused for a moment before telling him what she knew she needed too. "They are amputating his arm."

Riza distinctly heard the sound of a lighter flickering to life on the other end before he talked again. "Fuck . . . Why didn't he say something?"

"Because it's the colonel. If it is something actually serious that is bothering him does he ever say anything?"

"Good point. Do you want me to come up there?"

"No, like you said it isn't even 6 yet and he's still in surgery."

"Do you want me to do anything?"

"Just tell the others ok. I don't want to call them all up, would you tell them when they come in?"

"Yeah, sure. Just keep me updated ok? Call when you find out more."

"I will."

"He'll be fine." He told her before he hung up.

"I sure hope so." She replied. "Thank you." She said hanging up the phone.

When she turned around, she saw Gracia with two sandwiches and apples standing behind her. Gracia handed her one of each and they both sat down.

"Thanks." She said taking a bite of the apple, only now realizing that she was actually hungry.

"Was that Jean Havoc?" Gracia asked. It really wasn't her place to overhear what she was saying on the phone but she had. She also didn't mean to sound a little surprised but she had really only met him a handful of times, most of which ended with Havoc mumbling to an inanimate object or passing out after drinking far more that what was healthy.

"Yeah." She said catching the small tone of surprise and amusement in her voice. She knew what the general first impression of Havoc was, so it didn't really surprise her either, in fact she hadn't thought much of him before she had really gotten to know him better. "He's actually a good guy, and not as dim as most would think, a little slow sometimes but he's actually fairly intelligent when he want's to be."

"Well that's good to know."

"He's going to let everyone else know." Riza said with a small sigh, grateful she wouldn't have to keep repeating it over and over again. "I guess all we do now is wait

**Updates might take a while, I've been having some family issues and lack of inspiration, sorry. **


	14. Chapter 14

Yes, I am still alive, sorry It's taken me so long.

**Chapter 14**

"How's he doing?" Havoc asked. He had come by during his lunch break and was now sitting next to Riza, trying hard not to look at the empty space under the blanket where Mustang's arm should have been. It made him sick to think about it. They were the ones who promised to protect him, they knew if it came to it he would step up and save their asses but this just wasn't how it was supposed to be. His job was to make his way to the top and bring changes and miniskirts.

"I think he's doing a little better today. His fever has started to go down so that's good." She said. Unlike Havoc, she couldn't keep her eyes off of him, taking in once more what her broken promise had caused.

"How bad do you think it'll be when he wakes up?"He asked after a moments silence.

"What do you mean?" She raised her eyebrow in confusion.

"His depression."He replied as he started to play with an unlit cigarette from the pack in his pocket.

"Oh, I didn't know you knew about that." Until now she had thought that she and Maes had been the only ones who really knew about how unstable Roy could be.

"Everyone could see it after Hughes died. He tried to hide it but you could see it. He also needs to lay off the alcohol, he's a depressed drunk and when he gets talking it can get . . . well it can get a little unsettling. He told me about what happened during and after Ishbal, if I hadn't seen him when Maes died, I don't think I would have ever believed it."

Riza was quiet for a while, thinking about the new question. How low would Roy sink this time? Could they pull him back this time when it was them who had basically caused it?

"I haven't thought about that until now, and I'm not really sure but I think we'll need to keep an eye on him for a while. Even when he says he's ok, we both know it's a lie, and it could cost him his life." She looked back to the colonel's still form on the bed. He was a damn good liar but they could usually see beyond it, they just needed to learn to stop leaving it alone when they did.

One of the few things that Roy Mustang had an irrational fear of was water, or more specifically drowning. It wasn't that surprising when you thought about it though, like the flames he could produce, he did not do well when wet. He also knew that it was standard torture to simulate drowning when interrogating a prisoner but now that he was on the receiving end, he was in full panic mode. He couldn't fight back, even if his hands and feet weren't tied up his ability to put up much of a struggle had been waning and was now only enough to keep him barely alive.

He could taste the grime of the pale brown-green water. From the surface it looked like water from a badly maintained duck pond in a park, and it tasted about as bad as it looked. He shook his head in one last attempt to make his captor loose his grip on him for a second but it did nothing but made the wait for air seem longer. He honestly didn't care if they killed him or not, he had asked to be hit harder so he might have the chance of not waking up, but drowning was one way he did not want it to end. They could burn him for all he cared but to drown was a little too much for him to just sit and take.

He felt hair leaving his scalp as he was pulled up again just long enough for him to gasp before being plunged back down again his lungs burned in need for oxygen that he just couldn't get. The man holding him down shifted bumping into his ribs, making him cry out, but there was no noise, just water that was now filling his lungs making the panic slowly turn into a painful numb.

The man above him must have realized his body had gone completely limp because he then threw him on the floor. He wasn't supposed to kill him, rough him up a little more and make him weaker but he had been told not to kill him. Judging by the silence, he had done just that. Thinking fast for a way to revive him and save his own skin, he kicked him hard in the chest with a sickening crack but moments later Mustang was coughing up water.

"Do you really want to keep going on like this Mustang?" the man asked. "You're weak and if you keep it up you'll be dead in a week or two. Are a few words really that important? If you give them to us, you get to go free, you can get the medical help you clearly need, you just need to tell us where the Philosophers Stones are."

"Do you really . . . think I am scared of death?" Roy asked still coughing up a little bit of water. His eyes still held the burning defiance they always did, but it was starting to be more like dying embers of that fire.

"No, but I know you fear the safety of your men. What do you think we will do if you don't tell us what we want to know? Do you think that we will just give up? If you do, you're more stupid than we thought."

"I can say the same thing if you think that they will let you catch them again." Roy retorted as he sat up, momentarily knocking the wind out of him.

"It shouldn't be that hard. I am looking forward to it. How much fun it would be, I'd love to use those cigarettes to blister the skin of the tall blond one." He paused watching Mustang for a sign that he was getting to him then continued. "Or your communications expert, I wish you could see it when we send the electricity threw him. Or what about the redhead and the older one, they would be fun to cut apart to see what makes them tick."

Now getting visibly worked up, Roy was sliding up the wall, slowly standing as his anger kept rising.

"Your lieutenant sure is a piece of work. I'm sure the men here would really enjoy having a little something to play with." The man said with a smile as he walked toward him, a smile on his face at the obvious emotion his words were causing.

"YOU SICK FUCKING BASTARD!"Roy yelled. For someone who was in such a bad shape, he could still raise his voice do near deafening levels. He knew he should just shut up and take it but he couldn't. He couldn't pretend he didn't care when his men, his friends, hell the people he cared for like family were being threatened. As the man got closer he head butted him, only to earn a kick in the gut that made him fall back to the ground, his vision fading out once again.

Weeks later, now warm and dry in a hospital far away from the war, the world came floating back to him.


	15. Chapter 15

** 15  
**  
The familiar sound of metal clanging against its self and slow heavy footsteps once again filled the hall of Central Head Quarters as a very strange but well known pair walked down its halls. One was about seven feet tall in a large suit of armor and the other was a short blond kid in a red coat.

"I am not going in there Al."The voice was loud and easily identified as Edward Elric and unsurprisingly the next was his brother Alphonse.

"Brother, you need to give Colonel Mustang the report, I don't see why you make this such a big deal every time we have to come here." His voice was quieter and higher making it almost comical to think that it came from such a large suit of armor.

"Because I don't want to talk to that smug bastard. His only goal in life is to annoy the shit out of me." Ed protested

"He isn't that bad brother. He just does his job." Al replied, having a hard time understanding how people were so much alike in their own ways could dislike each other as much as his brother and Mustang seemed to.

"Only when Hawkeye is pointing her gun at him." Edward said with a snort. The large oak doors of hell as he liked to call them were now in view and he drastically slowed down his pace until coming to a complete stop a few yards away. Needless to say he wasn't in a rush to get there.

"You only have to hand him the report. Stopping outside is only going to make you have to stay here longer. And the longer you wait, the later you will be and he will only bother you more." Al said trying to get his brother to actually start moving again, what he had to do to get him here sometimes was ridiculous. "You did write your report right?" Al asked noticing his brothers empty hands.

"There isn't a point, he already knows absolutely everything we do. I don't see why he needs it in writing. He only does it to have one more thing to hold over my head."

"You should still write it. He probably needs to keep track of us and has to have something to file."

"I thought you were supposed to be on my side, Al"

"I am. You just need to be more responsible."

Ed sighed as he started walking again and pushed the doors open. The scene that was usually playing out behind them was not there. Paper work was not being done on the fear of being shot, Colonel Mustang was not trying to take a cat nap in the middle of the chaos, and Hawkeye was not quietly doing her work with her gun in reach. In fact paperwork was not being done at all. Furry was sitting in the corner tinkering with a radio, Breda was sitting at his desk, a half-eaten sandwich near by as he played a game of cards with Havoc who was 'multitasking' by smoking three cigarets at once. Falman was nowhere to be seen and either was Mustang. It was obvious that Hawkeye wasn't here or everyone would be attempting to do something productive.

"See Al. Mustang isn't even here. Let's go." Ed said, unable to keep the happy tone from his voice as he turned around.

"Hey Ed, wait." Havoc said getting up

"Oh Lieutenant Havoc." Al greeted with the closest thing to a smile he could manage. "My brother was going to give the colonel his report, do you know when he is going to be back?"

Havoc sighed, exhaling a cloud of smoke. "I don't really know when he'll be back here. Chief sent you to Drachma right?"

"Yeah, the damn bastard. We never made it past half way up Briggs. Stupid pointless assignments." Ed mumbled under his breath.

"You may think it's pointless now Ed and we know you don't like him, but Mustang saved your ass by sending you there." Breda said laying his cards on the table and joining in on the conversation.

"More like freeze my ass. The only ass he's worried about saving is his own."

"He put you out in the middle of nowhere Ed, so you couldn't be contacted. If you were around here, you would have been sent to war." Havoc said, the uncharacteristic roughness in his voice making Ed flinch. He knew how Havoc felt about Mustang. He had been reprimanded by him when he was bitching him out before.

"War?" Al piped up.

"The uprising in Lior finally got out of hand. Bradley's been storming the place for the last few months, sending in as many men as he can. We just got back a couple of weeks ago."

"I thought they had that quieted down months ago, I helped start it, I could have-"

"Ed, do you know what they would have done to you if you would have shown your face back there again? This isn't just a few people shooting at each other, this is people bombing the shit out of each other and not giving a fuck who gets caught in the crossfire."

A sinking feeling had started to form in Ed's stomach, and as Havoc and Breda went on the more it continued to grow. Not only was the problem he had made much larger than he ever thought it could be, if they were back what had happened to the others? As he looked a little more closely at the men talking to him, he could see that they all seemed a little worse for where.

"What about Colonel Mustang and the others?" Al asked voicing the worry that he was sharing with Ed.

"Falman is down in investigations . . . "

The pit in his stomach seemed to stop growing for a moment.

"...Hawkeye's in the hospital with Mustang."

Edward visibly slumped as he heard those words. Sure he couldn't stand Mustang but he'd never meant him to be hospitalized for his stupid mistakes, and Hawkeye, he got along with her. Had she gotten hurt trying to protect Mustang?

"What happened?" Ed was almost scared to hear the answer.

"There was a sneak attack one night." Havoc said putting out one of the cigarettes out in the ashtray before continuing. "They took some of us hostage, and as always Mustang played the hero and an hour later we were free because he traded himself for us. They tortured him for two weeks before we found him again. We didn't think he would make it back. He's been in very bad shape. He's always been such a martyr."If it was anyone else, Havoc really didn't think he would be telling them this but Ed needed to realize that Mustang was a lot better man that he gave him credit for and maybe the boy could help him out of his new found predicament.

"Fuck. Why didn't he tell me what was going on?"

"Well believe it or not, he actually cares about you boys. It's just his way of showing it. I know he can be a lazy ass sometimes but when it comes down to the people who are working under him, he's as loyal as we are to him."

Ed looked down at the floor for a moment, not sure what to say. He knew that if he wanted to, Mustang could be a good guy, he had heard it from many different people but this new story was starting to change his opinion of him. Maybe he wasn't a total bastard after all.

"You should stop by sometime, Hawkeye said he's been lucid the last few days, having someone to tease might brighten him back up a little. Besides he might need the number for your mechanic."

**  
Things will pick back up next chapter I promise.**


	16. Chapter 16

A\N: Thanks for being patient, I'm sorry the chapters are taking so long to write, I keep getting writers block in the middle and end up starting all over.

**16**

The perfectly white colored walls and ceiling welcomed Roy when he woke up. For a moment things were blurry and he was confused as to where he was. Oh yes, the hospital, that's right, it was much to warm and dry to be the cell not to mention the smell had changed from a slaughter house to disinfectant. He could hear something to his left so he looked over and the face or Riza Hawkeye came into focus. Her lips were moving, she was saying something, slowly the muffled sound started to become clearer.

"Can you hear me?"

As he started to become more aware of things going on around him, he also became more aware of the ever lingering pain, and the horrible throbbing in his shoulder, it was worse than he remembered it being yesterday.

"Riza?"

"Yes sir?" she asked with the faintest smile, he had been awake on and off for the last two days but this had been the only time he had responded to her. Usually he would just look blankly around the room with a haunted look on his face, his thoughts in another time and another place. She wanted to know what caused that look, and the words he mumbled in his sleep, but she was scared to know what horrors he could be thinking about, and know that she could have prevented all of this.

"I...I think I'm gonnabesick!" he said turning a way quickly and started to dry heave. Not having actually eaten anything in weeks he had absolutely nothing in his stomach to come back up. She could see the now well defined curve of his spine that was visible even under the bandages and thin material of the hospital gown.

As he lay back down, he put too much weight on what should have been an arm causing him to gasp his, eyes closed tightly as he grabbed his shoulder panting in pain. That's when he realized that something was very wrong. His hand was clamped around his shoulder but the rest of his arm was gone. Looking over at where it should be confirmed it.

For a long time he was silent, his breathing slowly returning back to normal. Riza watched him unsure of what to do or say, waiting for an actual response from him. She expected him to yell at her for failing in her responsibility to protect him, to get angry, maybe even cry, but all he did was lay there his expression blank except for a slight wrinkle along his brow.

"That's almost funny." He said a little bitterly, still not looking up at her, staring at his shoulder, there wasn't even really a stump, it just ended where it had once started.

"I really don't see how this is funny. The infection was spreading and you were so sick." She said, finding his reaction a little odd and concerning. "You scared me."

"It had been useless for about a week . . . or that's as long as I could estimate anyway, I thought that you guys weren't going to come back, It hurt, I couldn't, move it, it was just used as something to make me scream. I wished that they would just cut it off. Funny how things turn out."

"You should have known that we would come back for you." Her smile coming back to her face as she flattened his messy hair back in place. How could he even think that they would let him stay there? "Your fever is going down."

Roy didn't want to press the matter any further, what was he going to tell her? That he had tried to make it so she couldn't come back and get him and he was a little angry that she had? No, he couldn't tell her that. He sighed her skin was soft and cool and felt so good against his.

"I've heard that Edward and Alphonse are back in town."

Roy sighed, he didn't want to deal with trying to make Ed follow orders right now, or really anything for that matter. He wanted the throbbing in his shoulder to stop so he could go back to sleep.

"How long have they been back?"

"Only a few days. Jean told Ed to give his report to you, so he should be coming by soon."

"Fuck, he should have told them to leave, they need to keep low, and everyone knows how great they are at that."

"They haven't caused any damage to the city, so I think they are exceeding expectations."

"They need to get the hell out of the big military cities. I sent them out of the country for a reason. As long as they're here, they're in danger. Ed needs to learn to think about things, not be so implosive."

"Jean and I also thought talking to him might do you some good considering the circumstances."

Almost as if on cue, there was a knock on the door and a small creak of it opening, revealing the red glowing eyes that could only belong to Alphonse.

"Good morning Colonel!" he said cheerfully. "Can brother and I come in?"

"Of corse Alphonse." Riza replied with one of her small smiles. Roy wanted to pretend he was asleep, put the pillow over his head, or inject some more morphine(which was now warring off) to knock himself out. Unfortunately none of those options were a reality at the moment so he pushed himself up to a siting position, there was no way in hell he was going to let them see him too weak to get up.

"Oh Good morning to you too, Lieutenant." Al said, pretending not to notice the slight struggle the colonel was having with sitting himself up. Mustang was just as stubborn as Ed, and he knew from experience that if he were to offer help, it wouldn't be appreciated.

Roy noticed that he was blocking the doorway from Ed's entrance until he was completely upright. He was a good kid, and a lot more intuitive when it came to emotion than his brother, but still he hated knowing how pathetic he had to look in his eyes. The once mighty commander now hardly strong enough to keep himself up, the bones in his hands showing from the rapid weight loss. Just thinking about it disgusted him. Once Al moved, a visibly uncomfortable looking Ed walked in the room.

"Hey." Ed said. Roy held back a wince at the tone of the teen's voice. It's normal arrogant, annoyed, and sometimes just plain pissed off tone was gone and had been replaced by . . . was Ed sounding sorry? He had only heard Ed use that voice a few times and absolutely never directed at him. Sure he had heard him use it with Al and Winry, hell maybe even whit Maes and Riza, but hearing it directed at him made him want to piss Ed off and make him go back to normal.

"I didn't think you would be back already. What happened Ed? Did you get buried in the snow?" Much to his surprise all Ed did was clench his fist and twitch, no outburst, no Colonel Bastard. What the hell was wrong with him? Hospitals had never bothered Ed and he was certain missing limbs didn't, the boy was missing two, so why was he acting so fucking weird?

"No, we made it up to Briggs Mountain, and my automail froze up. There wasn't anything there anyways. Havoc told me to give you the report, so here it is." He said handing the papers to him. Then shoving his hands back in his pockets. "So I guess we'll be going."

Trying hard not to sigh in pure relief that the visit had been short and Ed had gotten a little back to normal. "Yeah, see you around Fullmetal, Alphonse."

Ed and Al walked out of the room but before he closed the door Ed stopped and looked back. "Hey Colonel..." he paused for a second before the rest of the sentence came out. " I'm sorry."

"There is nothing to be sorry about, Ed." Roy told him. As soon as the door shut he lay back down, happy to have that over. "Any more surprises I should know about?"

"None that I know about." Riza said taking the papers from him. "You aren't going to read this are you?"

"I might, the thought of Ed with frozen automail amuses me. I want to see if is names for me has expanded any." He said closing his eyes, wanting to just go back to sleep.

"There is a note for you from Ed." Riza told him scanning the pages. She knew that Jean had asked Ed for the Rockbells phone number and it was scribbled on the bottom of the last page.

"I'll read it later." He told her. "If anyone asks for me, tell them I'm sleeping."

"Alright." She said taking the pen and paper from the bedside table and writing the number down. She wouldn't be surprised if he didn't read the report and it got thrown away, so she would make sure they still had a copy of it. "Good night, sir."


	17. Chapter 17

A/N: Well I don't think this is the best but if I didn't post it now I don't think I would have for a while. Isn't family drama so nice -sarcasm-

**17 **

"Good Mornin' " The voice of Elysia Hughes woke Roy who had been taking a nap. With a yawn he looked down to see the little blond girl looking up at him from the foot of his bed. Her blue eyes were now turning into her fathers shade of green.

"Hey sprout, you've grown a lot since I saw you last." He mentally slapped him self. No shit, he hadn't seen in her in what, over a year? Of corse she had grown. He felt bad for not stopping in more often but it had just been so hard.

"Hello Roy." Gracia said walking into the room. It had been about a week since she had sat in the waiting room comforting Riza, and she was glad to see Roy looking so much better.

"Hey Gracia." He said looking up as Elysia crawled up to sit on his bed with him,

"Riza said you have a big day ahead of you today."

Roy groaned when she reminded him making Elysia giggle and Gracia smile. At least the big child side of him that Maes had usually brought out was still there. Today was 'the big day'. Most of the stitches had been taken out earlier this morning, splints had been taken off, and when Riza came back with some clothes, physical therapy was going to start. Frankly he had been trying to get out of it by sleeping, sure he wanted to get back on his feet again, but the warm comfort of the bed was too inviting to give up just yet.

"I drawed you a picture Uncle Roy."Elysia said as she proudly as she took a piece of paper from her pocket and unfolded, showing off her newest masterpiece.

"See, this is you." She said pointing to a stick figure with a mass of black scribbles on its head"This is Aunt Riza." She said pointing to another stick figure with yellow hair who appeared to be stuck to the other by the arm. "I drawed her with long hair. She's prettier with long hair. She's holdin' your hand."

He couldn't argue with her about her hair, Riza was beautiful all the time, but she was amazing with her hair down...wait, what did she say? Roy stared at her confused for a moment, out of all the things she could have picked up from Maes, it had to be _that_. Elysia, oblivious to his stare continued pointing to the picture.

"That's the doggy, and me and mommy . . . " He looked back at the picture. " ...That's your baby." Gracia had to bite her lip to keep from laughing at the expression on Roy's face. "And that's daddy" She pointed to the final figure that was in the sky and with a sad smile, he realized that it had what looked like a camera.

"Do you like it?" She asked when she was done showing him her picture.

"Yeah I love it." He said with a smile as she placed it in his hand.

"Well, I think we're going to go now, I just wanted to stop in and she was determined to give you that picture."

"Well thank you."

"Take care of yourself. Riza is happy to see you start to get up and around."

"Take care too."

"Bye." Elysia said with a smile as she hopped from the bed and scampered to the door, and with a final wave they left.

Roy closed his eyes again wondering how long Riza would let him sleep once she got back. He didn't have much time to think about it because five minutes later the door opened again and she walked back in with a bag. He was going to pretend to be asleep but she had seen his eyes open when she opened the door, a bag in her hand.

"I wasn't exactly sure what to bring you, so I brought some pajama pants, some tee shirts and boxers." She said laying some of the said items on the end of the bed.

"You should see the picture Elysia drew me." He told her holding out the paper, wanting to tell her just what she had drawn.

"I saw them when they were coming up here. She showed me it." She told him handing him a shirt. "Do you want help getting dressed?" She asked.

"No, I can get it." He told her and she turned around, not wanting to leave incase he changed his mind if he couldn't do it. He started to wiggle out of the hospital gown but trying not to move too much at the same time. The pull of the bandages against his shoulder hurt like a bitch. After about five minutes he managed to get it off, it was a lot more work than he thought it would be. He paused when he saw the pile of clothes, great, he had to put these on too.

After wrestling with his clothes for what felt like an eternity and assuring Riza that he did not need help, exhausted he pulled on his pants and stood up, happy to be finally done.

"See, no help needed." He said with a smile and went to walk over to her but promptly fell flat on his face.

"SIR!" Riza said, in a second she was at his side, kneeling down next to him. He was breathing hard and clutching his shoulder. "Roy . . . let me help you up."

" No." He said shrugging her off and trying to get back up but not willing to let go of his shoulder. Riza put her hand on his back, but he turned his head around and glared at her. "Don't."

She withdrew her hand and was using all of her willpower to not just pick him up and put him back to bed. She hated watching him struggle so hard to do what was once so easy. He leaned against the bed as he got upright once again, and looked like he was going to collapse again.

"Just lay down." She said gently as he sat down, silently, not even looking at her. "I'm sorry." She said still worried. She left the room to get the nurse, hoping he wouldn't put up as much of a fight with her.


	18. Chapter 18

A/N: Because lets face it, even the best of people can be an ass sometimes. This was origionaly 2 chapters but now it's just one long one. Roy goes on a slightly disturbing rant and both Roy and Havoc have bad language when angry. So you have been warned.

**18**

"You're doing wonderfully." Every time the nurse said that, he seriously wanted to smack her, doing wonderfully his ass. It had taken him 15 minuets to get dressed, and that was record-breaking speed compared to other attempts, his handwriting, which hadn't been great to begin with, now looked more like Elysia's, his coordination, balance and stamina had all gone down the drain. Just trying to relearn the simplest things exhausted him. It was embarrassing. He Roy Mustang, the Colonel, Flame Alchemist, arrogant bastard, and heartthrob of Central, got so fatigued by just walking down the hall, he slept for hours afterwards.

He hated it, absolutely hated it. He hated feeling so weak and useless. It was worse than being drenched in the middle of a fight. But more than that, he hated her being there. She was at his side like always and it drove him crazy. He hated her voice and all the stupid things she would say to encourage him. She didn't sound like herself anymore, she didn't sound calm anymore, she was worried and scared and he couldn't stand listening to her. He hated the look she had in her eyes now. He could see her sympathy in their amber depths. Every day when he woke up and went to sleep she was right there, always the first and last person he saw, he hated it so goddamn much, it was driving him crazy. He hated it so much because he knew that even when he wasn't looking at her she was looking at him and she could see how far he had fallen, how weak he was. He had become dependant on everyone, just like a child.

"You need to eat something sir." She said placing apple wedges on the bedside table. He hadn't even bothered trying to eating anything in the last three days, almost everything he had eaten before then had come a right back up. Luckily the IV was still in his hand ,keeping him from starving to death, but he was still losing weight, making him look even more emaciated than he had before.

He didn't answer her, but it honestly didn't really surprise her, he hadn't said anything to her since he had stopped eating. All he did was lie there in bed curled up with a blanket over his head, only moving when he absolutely had to. The first day she had thought he was sleeping, until the blanket fell off and she saw him looking blankly at the wall. She was quite sure that was when the full weight of everything had hit him.

"You know, ignoring everyone isn't going to make them go away. The nurses are going to keep coming in and I'm staying here no matter hard you pretend we aren't here. You should know that by now." She said putting the pocket knife away. "Do you want to talk about it?" She asked, his depression was wearing on her, she hated knowing that she couldn't protect him this time. This wasn't the first time his worst enemy had been himself, but she couldn't shoot that down, especially when she had caused it.

"Uh." He said pulling the blanket further over his head. God dammit, he hated the stupid soothing tone of her voice.

"You know that talking can help. I'm always here for you sir. I'd do whatever you need me to."

"WILL YOU FUCKING STOP?!" He demanded, tossing the blanket off of him, but his arm got tangled up in it. The look in his eyes frightened her a little, so intense but so empty. He pushed the blanket the rest of the way off and onto the floor as he sat up. " If you really want to help me, leave." He didn't want to keep dragging her down, she could do so many things she had wanted but hadn't because of him. He needed her to stop lowering herself for him.

"That is one thing that I can't do." She said. It hurt her to hear him say that.

"Then do you want me to talk about it? What part?" he asked, his expression was almost predatory. " Do you want to hear what it's like to be chained to a wall, just hoping, hell even praying to whatever god could possibly be out there, that your captors will hit you harder so you don't wake up again, but too scared to actually give up and die because you know what they will do if you do, so you force yourself to hold on to that tiny thread of life even when you feel your body shutting down? How I thought of all the ways I could possibly kill myself with the little I had because I couldn't take the pain anymore? Do you want to know what it's like to wake up and realize that you are useless, and that you have become so weak and helpless that you can hardly stand on your own? What it's like to hear them rape the girl in the cell next to you and pray that you don't know her or how about being forced to watch as they do everything they promised to do to your friends if you don't talk, to whatever poor soul was walking along the street at just the wrong time? To start drinking your own blood because you haven't seen water or food in days? Or know that you have failed all the people that have been trying to help you reach your goals for years? What part do you want to hear or should I go on?"

His voice held such venom in it that it sent chills down her spine. Some of the details made her inwardly gag, but she wouldn't show it to him. She had made him endure al of that, she had been too weak to stand up and fight for him until it was too late, she couldn't back down from him now."You can tell me about all of it."

"Get out of here." He said quietly but still holding the same vicious tone in his voice.

Riza stood still, showing no sign of caving in under his aggression.

"I said, get the hell out, now, Hawkeye. It's an order." It was unusual for him to pull rank on his friends, but he needed her to leave, he couldn't stand her being around anymore. Not now, not when he was like this.

"Yes sir.' She said walking across the room taking her jacket and bag and walked out of the room with a look of sad defeat.

Roy watched her leave and stared at the door for a few seconds after she had left and sighed heavily as he lay back down, too fatigued to really give a damn about anything anymore. He pulled the blanket back up and put it back over himself, their argument still buzzing around his head keeping him awake for a while but eventually his body won over his mind and he slowly he fell back to sleep

... ... ... ... ...

"Mornin' chief."

Roy groaned and looked out of the blankets to see the blue eyes of Jean Havoc staring back at him. Had anyone ever heard of sleep? "What?" he barked. It had been two weeks since he and Riza had their fight and he hadn't seen her since.

"Nothin' I just wanted to come by and talk." he said turning the nearest chair around and straddling it.

Roy grumbled something and turned over so he was facing him. If he told the nurses that he didn't want visitors would they stop letting people in?

"So how's the food here?" Havoc asked taking a cigarette out of the pack in his shirt pocket and lighting it.

"Cut the shit Jean. If _she_ put you up to this you can leave."

"No, you cut the shit. No one put me up to anything." He said a little flustered at Roy's bluntness. He had seen him pissed plenty of times, but seriously what was shoved up his ass? All they wanted to do was help him out a little. "And since when do you call me Jean?"

"Oh so you've some to tell me how stupid I am for protecting my troops?"

"I wasn't but if you want to hear it sure. You are such a dumb ass. I know you have some kind of need for self sacrifice, and you get some sick joy out of it, but you need to use your brain before you go into things. Isn't it you who told me that a soldier thinks with his head not his heart?"

"You aren't the one who should be lecturing me about doing things by ones emotions. Stop thinking with them, they only cause problems." Roy replied coldly.

"You're not the one who should be telling _me_ what to do with my emotions sir. You're emotions are what landed you here." He shot back.

"Are you talking back to your commanding officer? Well I have news for you. I wouldn't be here if you hadn't been so stupid and came back for me."

"Yeah your right sir . You would be dead."

"You were way out of line by going back. As the commanding officer, I am supposed to be the one protecting my men. That was exactly what I was doing."

"We were out of place? You left a hundred men standing in the trenches scared, confused, and wondering what to do with out a leader. You can't tell me that for the lives of a handful of soldiers, that was justified. "

"You want me to actually believe that no one else could step up and take my place? Do you think I haven't seen you, Riza, hell even Furry? All of you have what it takes to lead them, and those are just the ones I know well."

"There you go again. Stop trying to be the goddamn martyr. You don't think you matter for anything but some sick satisfaction you get out of self sacrifice, well open your fucking eyes!"He was trying so hard not to let his temper get the better of him and yell at him, but he was failing. He wanted to hit him and tell him that he was being stupid and had been stupid. "I know that for whatever reason, you don't think you are worth a rat's ass, but holy fuck Roy, open your damn eyes. They look up to you. They believe in you like some kind of god. You were the one who protected all of us, when they didn't know if you were going to make it back, do you know how they felt? Do you know how it felt to go back in there and see your bloody mangled body and realize that you could have stopped all of that from happening? Have you ever heard Riza cry, not just cry, but break down and become hysterical? Have you ever had to hold her, and try to tell her that it's ok but you don't believe it? I was scared I was going to lose a brother. I don't give a damn if you don't want to talk to us, but you are going to take care of your self. You can't just sit here like this forever man."

"What do you care." He asked. His voice held an odd tone of rage and despair that Jean had only heard a few times before.

Havoc took a deep breath, trying to calm himself down enough so he didn't do something stupid."I care because in case you haven't noticed, people care about you, they always have, I care about you. You still have things you need to finish, and I believe I promised to do all that I could to make sure you made those things happen, and I know that I'm not the only one." He said getting up and putting the cigerett out.

"Call the number Ed left you, I think it would help you out."

"You want me to call the Rockbells?" Roy asked raising his eyebrow. Surly he wasn't dumb enough to thing _he_ would call _them_ for help

"You should think about automail sir. Work ain't the same with out you there."

"I'm not going to call them."

"You are being ridiculous sir." Havoc said pulling another cigarette out and began playing with it.

"I killed her parents. I can't ask her out of all people for help."

"You've spent the night at their house before, remember. Giving them a call shouldn't be that hard." He knew Roy had a point, he knew that the would have a hard time if he was put in that position, but seriously, he couldn't keep sitting on his ass. "I'll see you later. " He said with a wave as he left.

Roy closed his eyes again as soon as the door closed. He was alone again, something he had been begging for, but now he wasn't sure if that was what he wanted.


	19. Chapter 19

A/N: Thank you all of my reviewers and people who read this in general, but the reviewers get imaginary cookies. Also thank you or deadlines for making me procrastinate and do things like this.

**19 **

Three days after his fight with Havoc, Roy had checked himself out. It wasn't that he was really ready to take care of himself, or would for that matter, but Roy Mustang had always been able to find a way to make things go his way, and using loopholes, or even make them if he found it necessary was really nothing new. It had been too simple really, all he had to do was tell them that he had made arrangements to go Resembool, where he knew a surgeon and a mechanic for automail, flirt with the female nurses(at least he knew he still had some of his charm left), scribble what could only loosely be described as a signature on a piece of paper, and walk out of the door. It wasn't a lie exactly, but it really wasn't the truth. He had however, looked over one critical fact, his didn't have a car here and his apartment was six blocks away and up four flights of stairs.

When he finally got to his door, he nearly collapsed as he opened the door. Looking around his apartment he noticed how dark and cold it was. It shouldn't have surprised him, it hadn't been used since they shipped off but it still sent a shiver down his spine as it brought memories to the surface. _"Not so arrogant now are you?" the man behind him asked as he brought the glass laced whip down across his back. Roy held back a cry, only letting out a hiss as more small rivulets of blood trickled down his back. He still had some pride left._ Quickly turning on the light, he looked around. It was in the same organized disarray it always was in.

Roy forced himself to stumble across his apartment into the bedroom. As he sat down on the bed, he saw something in the mirror out of the corner of his eye. When he turned around he almost didn't recognize his own reflection. Staring back at him was two empty black eyes with equally dark bags under them from a sunken in face, and framed by Hughes like scruff and black hair that could use a trim. A scar ran the length of the bridge of his nose, another one went from his eyebrow to his cheek, and he was positive that there was more hiding under his hair. His clothes were much more baggy than he ever remembered, and of corse there was the sleeve that hung limp.

Maybe getting automail wouldn't be that bad of an idea. The thought of trying to shave left handed really wasn't exciting him too much, maybe he would accidently slit his throat when he did, it wouldn't be that bad. Fullmetal had gotten his, and from as far as he could tell, the Rockbell's did do great work, he knew them, and it was pretty far a way from anything. He stopped himself, no. He couldn't do that. Having an 'arms race' with Fullmetal never accomplished anything, he knew the Rockbell's because he had murdered their family in cold blood, and actually getting on a train and going across the country was not really something he thought he could do right now.

With a heavy sigh, he flopped down on the bed and stared at the ceiling trying hard to not think because it was hurting his head, but was unsuccessful. After getting enough will power, he got out of bed and went into the kitchen and pulled a bottle of scotch from the liquor cabinet and wandered over to the couch, he would try thinking again tomorrow. After a few minuets of trying, he managed to get the cap off and without bothering to pour it into a glass, he simply began chugging, needing something to take the edge off of everything. After finishing the bottle in record time and feeling adequately drunk, and now quite sick, but was sure he would be able to sleep, tried getting himself back to bed but only managed in what would have been a painful trip over the coffee table and passed out just inside the bedroom.

...

"What do you mean he isn't here?" Havoc asked a little too loudly. He didn't believe what the nurse had just told him. Could Roy really be this stupid, or that good of a liar? Sure he was good, but fucking hell this was ridiculous.

"He checked out." She replied tucking her brown hair behind her ear as she looked in the filing cabinet, paying very limited attention to the man. " Just last night according to his release form."

"How did he check himself out, he can't even sign anything!" He did not want to have to explain having no idea where Roy was to Riza, nu-uh a bullet in the foot just wasn't appealing.

"I believe he did sir. Now if there is nothing else I can help you with, I will ask you to please leave."

"Where'd he go?"

"I can't tell you that, it is classified information, now please leave, there are other people waiting."

Realizing that this was really going nowhere, Havoc turned around and left. Once he got outside he went to the payphone, if he had to tell Riza it might be better to do so at a distance.

"Hello. Colonel Mustang's office. Lieutenant"

"Riza," He said cutting her off " you're not going to believe this."

"Jean? What is it?" She asked suddenly apprehensive. She knew he had the day off and he gone back to the hospital to see if Roy had cooled down at all, something about his voice told her that it wasn't something good he wanted to tell her.

"He checked him self out."

Riza was silent for a moment. "When . . . How?" she asked confused

"I have no idea how he did it, but he did last night apparently. Have any idea where he'd be. I mean, He couldn't have gotten too far could he?"

"I wouldn't think so." She said "Do you think he could have made it to his apartment?"

"That's like a mile away isn't it? I have a hard time seeing him going one block."

"It's Roy. Sitting in a hospital has never been an option for him, and if he want's something bad enough, he'll get it."

"You've got a point." Havoc said with a sigh as he lit up another cigarette. "I'll go see if he's there, but if he isn't what do you want to do?"

"I don't know, just call me either way."

"OK. I'll call you in about ten minutes."

...

Roy wasn't sure what the hell had come over him to convince him to do this, but there he was sitting in a train compartment, resting his head against the window thankful that it was still cold in the morning sun but at the same time cursing whoever made train rides so long and bumpy and the seats so uncomfortable.


	20. Chapter 20

**20 **

"Come on Roy, I know you checked yourself out." Havoc said knocking once again but not getting a response. One hand felt along the top of the door frame until he found what he was looking for, the key. "If you keep ignoring me, I'm going to come in anyway. I know you're pissed at us but come on, we just want to help you." He continued talking to him, telling him exactly what he was going to do, a surprised Mustang usually led to being burned, and being cooked medium rare that really didn't appeal to him right now.

After waiting for a couple of more minutes, he put the key in the whole and unlocked it. Slowly he opened it and stepped inside. "Roy?" he asked. The lights were on and as he looked around, he could see that the coffee table had been moved and a broken bottle of scotch lay on the floor. He had to be here than right?

Walking further in, he looked around once again. The cupboard he kept the alcohol had been opened and looked like it had been ransacked. It really didn't look like anything else had been touched. It wasn't surprising, he had always been a much bigger drinker than he had been an eater, but if Riza was right, and she most likely was, he hadn't eaten anything in a while. With a sigh he went to the door of his friend's bedroom and knocked. "You in there?" he asked before pushing it open. The bed had been laid on, the blanket and pillows ware all messed up, but Roy was still no where to be seen. Where the hell could he be?

With a sigh, Havoc looked around the apartment once more, without any result. How the hell does someone lose a pissed off, drugged, one-armed alchemist? He wasn't sure if it was possible for anyone else but him to do. Taking the package of cigarettes out of his pocket and placing one in his mouth, he walked back out and headed back to headquarters, wondering what exactly they were going to do.

* * *

The alcohol had almost completely left Roy's body, making the hang over he had and the pain that came from the rest of his body unbearable. His arm hurt, his body hurt, the cut and bruises that had come from falling over the coffee table were finally starting to throb and his head felt like it was in a vice. The afternoon sun streaming in the compartment and the noise and movement from the train really wasn't helping matters either. Opening his bag, he took out another bottle, alcohol was the one thing that could cure its own side affects, for a while anyway. He had found that he could use the buckle on his suitcase to pop the cap off. Maybe he should have gotten the prescriptions from the doctor, consuming this much alcohol in this short of time couldn't be healthy, but he didn't care, it took the pain away long enough for him to go back to sleep.

Roy's stomach growled, he should probably eat something. The last thing he had eaten was a piece of apple two days ago, which he had thrown back up a few hours later. Packing something other than booze and clothes might have been a good plan, but he hadn't felt like bothering with it. If the food cart came by, he'd buy something.

What time was it anyway? He sighed and took a drink, wondering how much longer it was going to take. He knew it was a long ride, but he was growing restless. His question was answered soon enough when the conductor announced from the overhead speaker that they would be arriving at Resenbool in five minutes. He finished the rest of the bottle as quickly as he could, and closed the bag again.

Once the train stopped and he got off, swaying ever so slightly, Roy looked around and realized, he had no idea how to get to the Rockbell's. Sure he had been there before, but that had been what six, seven years ago? He remembered what it looked like, and that it was on a dirt road, but that didn't do much good because all the roads in Resenbool were still unpaved.

Looking up at the sky, he saw the dark clouds over head. That's just perfect, he thought bitterly it's going to rain.

* * *

"You are positive he isn't there?" Riza asked. "Did you go in? The spare key is on the top of the door frame."

She knew she shouldn't have listened to him when he told her to leave. She knew she should have gone right back after he had enough time to cool off, but she hadn't. Why did she keep leaving him on his own when she knew what would happen? Why was she so stupid, did she never learn?

"Yeah, I went in and he wasn't there. I know he wasn't, there aren't too many places in his apartment that he could possibly hide?"

"Can you think of any other places he would have gone?" She had been racking her brains for places he might be but she hadn't been able to think of anything.

"If I had, I would have looked. I think he had been there though, his bed and coffee table was messed up and all the booze was gone."

"That isn't really reassuring, now we know he's god know's where drinking himself to death."

"But he couldn't have gone too far, could he? I mean he was having a hard time just standing up by himself."

"That's true." She said looking out the window. She had known Roy for so long and she still had no idea where he could be. He would have known where she was, he would have known where every one of them would have been, when they had gotten there and why they were there and not where they should have been if the places were switched. He would have known what they were up to before they even did it, maybe before even they knew. He had always been able to do that. "Do you think he could have gone to Resenbool?"

"He could have, but I don't think he would have. He had a fit when I suggested it to him." Havoc told her playing with his lighter as he thought about their yelling match days earlier.

"Well, let's go look around. We should go to the train station and see if anyone has seen him there just to make sure."

* * *

Was there really a reason for one town to have this many fucking sheep? There were easily ten times more sheep than in the whole damn city in just this one field. Roy thought as he sat down on the side of the road, leaning his back against the fence post. The first drops of rain were starting to fall on his skin making him even more irritable.

He felt like shit, He had grabbed some grapes on his way, and now he was trying hard to keep them down. He had only been able to go a hundred or so yards at a time and now he was completely exhausted. He was sure his fever was back and the baa of the sheep was making his head ache so he pulled out the fourth bottle of the day from the bag.

He hadn't drank much before the sound of thunder seemed to rip a hole in the clouds, sending a torrent of water raining down. Grumbling, he got up and stumbled as quickly as he could out of the rain and under an apple tree. Yes, he knew that under a tree was one of the worse places he could be during a storm, but at the moment that was the furthest thing from his mind as his legs buckled under him and he vomited. Once the waves of nausea had passed, he took the bottle once again and drank. He was cold, wet, sick, and miserable in general and on his way to being very drunk, hoping that if he drank enough it would be the coup de grâce and do him in.


	21. Chapter 21

**21**

Riza and Jean were sitting in her front room after a long day with absolutely no success of finding where the colonel was, no one they had asked had seen him, bar owners, people at the train station, or any of the people on the street they had asked. It was like he had simply vanished from the face of the earth. She was worried sick about him, for all she knew he had gotten drunk wondering the streets and ran into Scar and was in some ally somewhere with his head blown to bits. The images of his destroyed face flashed in her mind, how could she let this happen. Her thoughts were interrupted when the phone rang shrill and loud, making both of them jump.

"Hello, Riza Hawkeye speaking." Riza said as she picked up the phone. Her voice matching the same tone she used when she answered the phone at the office, making Havoc shake his head slightly amused.

"Mis Hawkeye? This is Winry Rockbell." The voice of the younger blond was nice to hear, she liked to talk to her, but she knew this wasn't a social call. The only time she called was usually at the office when Ed had managed to completely wreck his automail and wouldn't be reporting for a while.

"Oh, hello, is everything ok? What did Ed do this time?" Riza asked expecting to hear about Ed's latest mishap and why he wouldn't be around for a while, what she told her however, was not what she expected.

"It isn't Ed I'm calling about." Something in Winry's voice made her tense up a little bit. "I'm calling you about the colonel. Did you know that here is here?"

"Oh thank god. We've been looking for him for days." This comment made Havoc look up, expecting her to say something about the colonel, but when he didn't he looked at her with a begging look in his eyes.

"Yeah, a farmer brought him over this morning." Winry explained.

"Is he ok?" Riza had a hard time picturing Roy wandering around with a farmer to help him find where he was going.

"The farmer said he found him under a tree in his field, and he couldn't wake him up. Because he was missing an arm, and he looked sick he decided to bring him here."

"You should try to get him to eat something, I don't think he's eaten anything for a while. Check his bags for alcohol, he took about all he had in the house."

"Yeah, There is five empty bottles in his bag. Granny says he must have been trying to drink himself to death, if he had drank any more are the farmer hadn't found him . . . "

Jean, who was still waiting for Riza to say something that would give him some clue as to what was happening, watched with dread as the color left her face and worry settled in. He found himself suddenly antsy, dying to know what was going on. Riza swatted him away once he started hovering around her.

"Do you know where he is?" he whispered, pulling out a cigarette and lighting it up. Riza gave him the one minute finger before she snuffed out the glowing red end with her thumb and forefinger. She didn't mind him smoking much but she didn't want her house smelling like smoke.

"How is he really?"

"He . . . he's really sick, I don't think I've known anyone who has had that much to drink. When he came in this morning, he had a 0.30 blood alcohol concentration level, he hasn't really been conscious since he's been here. He's dehydrated, his breathing and heart rate are so slow, and he's only just stopped vomiting, and that's just from the alcohol poisoning. Ed said he had been hurt, but who was to doctor who said it was alright for him to leave?"

"He managed to convince them that he was well enough to go. Don't ask me how."

"Do you know if he would have brought any prescriptions with him?"

Shit, she didn't know. Had he even waited for the doctor to fill him out, and if he did had he actually got them filled. "I don't think he brought any, he left town about as fast as he got out. Can I come down there?" Riza asked

"Yeah, I think if you came down here, I think it would help a lot."

Hanging up the phone, she finally looked up at Havoc. "Well, I guess we're going to Resenbool. Go get packed, and I'll meet you at the train station in an hour."

* * *

18 hours earlier

Even with the protection of the tree, Roy was drenched, from rain or the sweat that had suddenly came on, he wasn't sure. He had been shivering cold just a while ago and now he was burning up and panting. In the distance he could see some . . . cows? Was it cows that laid down in a storm? No, the thing was a sheep, that's right. If it was in Resenbool, it was sheep, a lot of fucking sheep. He was finishing off the bottle that he had opened just minuites ago, he wasn't sure where the hell the rest of it had gone, and he was still fighting the nausea that was continuing to worsen and losing, he had vomited again, bringing up only bile and alcohol. It didn't deter his binge however, as he opened the sixth...or was it the seventh bottle and swallowed the liquid that delightfully burned his throat.

He tried to stand up, he was going to get up and move to a drier spot under the tree. He managed to take a step when

the world seemed to turn upside down, making him fall over heavily, and vomited once again. Giving up, he fell flat on the ground but he didn't feel it, he was too busy trying to hold on to the ground, waiting for the world to stop spinning, and the dots to stop dancing across his eyes, but it didn't happen, nothing ever happened when he wanted it too . . . needed it too.

He was out cold when the farmer had come out to check on the sheep, nearly giving him a heart attack when he saw him. At first he thought he was some vagabond who had decided to sleep on his property, he was going to wake him up and chase him off. It wasn't till he got closer that he realized what shape the man was in. He tried to wake him up but the man gave no response. Starting to worry about the man, he hoisted him up realizing that he only had one arm, and he could feel the bandages under his shirt. He decided then that he needed to get him to a doctor quickly.

He laid him down in the back of his truck which was lined with hay and began to drive, quickly, but still slow enough that the bumps in the road wouldn't hurt him more. By the time he reached the Rockbell's house, the man was breathing erratically and had sweated through his shirt. He knocked on the door and seconds later the blond young woman opened the door.

"Oh, Farmer Hansen. What can I do for you?" She asked surprised to see the usually reclusive farmer out, let alone knocking on her door. He seemed to be in one piece so why . . .

"There's a man in the back of my truck. I found him in the pasture this morning when I went to feed the sheep. He's missin' an arm, and he looks like he's sick or beat up or somethin.' He told her leading him down to his truck.

Winry's eyes grew wide when she saw the black-haired man sprawled out in the back of the truck. "Help me get him in the house, and I'll get Granny. " She said helping to lift him out of the truck. She was surprised at how light he was, he looked so different from the Colonel Mustang she had seen only a year ago, thin, a yellowish tint to his skin, just what the hell had happened


	22. Chapter 22

**22**

The bright rays of the evening sun hit the window and glared at the face of Roy Mustang, finally succeeding in making the man start to wake. Unwilling to wake up and face whatever he was going to have to face, he gave a low moan in protest. He turned his head away to get away from the light, but that had been a mistake, it had only achieved making everything feel worse. He felt the familiar sensation of nearly unbearable nausea and the pull of tape on the skin of his hand. After a few deep breaths, the urge to vomit subsided and he decided to crack an eye open after all so he could see where exactly he was.

He could honestly say he had no idea where the hell he was or when or how he had arrived there. He was lying on his back in a small room with one window, the bed he was in with light blue blankets, an IV poll with a few bags of unknown liquid trickling down into his hand. A door stood ajar on the opposite side. To get up or not to get up, that was the question. He wanted to know where he was but he wasn't sure if he could handle getting up just yet. Luckily for him, Pinaco Rockbell entered the room.

"So you decided to join the living again after all eh?" She said as she crossed the room to the bed. She picked up his hand and felt his wrist for his pulse. "You're lucky your heart is staring to pick up again, it was going so slow when they brought you here it's amazing it could keep you alive." She told him as she removed the bags from the IV pool and replaced them with full ones.

Well now he knew where he was, but he still didn't remember getting there. He watched her for a while, until she walked around to the other side, when the sun once again glared in his eyes. He felt the blanket pull away, and suddenly found himself freezing cold. Looking down, he noticed that his shirt was gone and new clean white bandages had replaced the old dirty wet ones.

"When did I get here?" He asked gruffly, closing his eyes once again

"Yesterday." The old woman asked as she began to pull away the bandages. " You managed to pull a few stitches out, but that might have been a good thing, an infection is setting back in. Talking to your lieutenant last night, I bet it's the same one you have been fighting. When was the last time you took antibiotics?"

Damnit, he didn't want to talk and he didn't want to think, he wanted to go close the curtains, pull the blanket back up and go to sleep, or drunken oblivion, but the woman was just as stubborn, if not more than he was and he already knew she would get her way in the end, and for once Roy Mustang didn't feel like putting up a fight to get things his way.

"Three days ago, maybe four. I don't know." He grumbled.

"You'll have to wait until tomorrow when we get our next shipment of antibiotics in to get some real antibiotics going, so until then, alcohol is going to have to do."

Roy gasped out as the cold burning pain started as the alcohol ran down and into the line of stitches. Maybe coming here had not been that great of an idea after all.

* * *

"So, he really went to Resenbool?" Havoc asked for the umpteenth time since they had gotten on the train. The repeated conversation soothed him somehow, even when the actual words didn't. He guessed that it was just the noise, because quiet settings always made him uneasy. It was amazing he had been a sniper because he would go as far as talking to himself when no one else was around.

"Yes, he's at the Rockbell's. Apparently he tried drinking himself to death, because a farmer found him passed out in his field." Riza replied, giving the same answer she had given him every time before, nearly word for word as if they were lines on a script.

What I don't get though is why he would have gone all that way, to a place he doesn't even like, just to try to kill himself? It just doesn't make sense to me." He said, taking a new turn on the conversation. He stood up and opened the window, letting a cool breeze flow in to the compartment, allowing for ventilation as he lit up a cigarette. However, he regretted the question as soon as the words had left his mouth.

"I really don't know. I don't think he's been all there mentally since we rescued him, but certainly not since he lost his arm."

"But why would he go to the middle of nowhere, to a place that he hated going to because of what he's done? Couldn't he have just lay in his apartment and do the same thing?"

"I don't know why he left, but I'm glad he did. If he had been in Central he'd probably have died by now. He had all the means to do so in his apartment, but he had only alcohol in his bag."

"Are you saying he might not have really wanted to..."

"No, the look in his eyes told me that, but he didn't think out his plan very well, and it probably saved him."

For the first, and he was willing to bet was also the last time, Havoc was glad that Mustang had a hard time concocting smoothly running plans on impulse.

As the train came to a stop in Resenbool, and the two of them got their bags and got off. It had stopped raining and the birds were out with the sun chirping in the trees. They Following the directions given, they reached the yellow house in about an hour and were greeted by Den, who lifted his head from his paws at their approach. A bark alerted the Rockbell's of their expected guests.

"Hello." Winry said as she opened the door to let the two in. "I'll show you where you can put your things." She told them as she led them down the hall. "Granny is making dinner, I'll tell her to set you two places." She wasn't a big military fan, and she surly wasn't a huge supporter of Roy Mustang, but she had grown to like the first lieutenant, They were connected by the desire to help the men in their lives reach their full potential. From what she had heard from Ed and Al, Havoc wasn't too bad either.

"No, you don't need to worry about us." Riza said as Winry opened a door on their left, to what she guessed was to be her and Havoc's room.

"I'm sorry I there isn't separate rooms." Winry said as the other two set their bags down by the two beds that were against opposite walls.

"It will be okay. Thank you Winry. Can we see the colonel now?"

"Yeah, he's just the next room to the right. He's been in a bad mood since he woke up. I'll come tell you when dinner is ready." She told them as she left the room and went up the stairs.

_A/N: the actual reunion will happen next chapter. please review, it makes me happy._


	23. Chapter 23

**I wrote this chapter so many times, it it turned out a lot more fluffy than I thought it would.**

**23**

"Hey Chief." Havoc said knocking on the door, after getting unsurprisingly no response, he opened the door. Roy was laying on the bed eyes closed, but for once the sleep wasn't one that caused worry. He was in his usual sleeping pose, mouth hanging wide open and a soft snore filling the room. "No, don't wake him up." Jean said when she started to walk over to the bed. "He looks like he needs it."

Riza stopped and sighed, looking down at the colonel with a small frown before turning around. "Yes, you're right." She said. They almost ran straight into Winry who had ran down the hall to tell them that dinner was ready when they left the room.

"Come on, let's get some food, I'm starving." Havoc, putting an arm around Riza's shoulders and leading her to the dining room, he wasn't sure she would have come if he hadn't physically made her.

"I know you're awake sir." Riza said as she placed a cup of water and a tray food on the bedside table. It wasn't anything special, just crackers and cheese, but they had decided that bland food like that would be the best thing to give him. Havoc had let her go in alone, so she could talk to Roy privately.

"Go away, I'm sleepin'" came a mumbled reply.

"No, you're not. I've seen you actually sleep enough times to know that you sleep on your stomach or side curled around a pillow, and when you do sleep on your back, you tend to put the pillow over your head, and you snore, but not that loud. What you are doing is the same thing you do in the office to get out of paperwork. It might work for everyone else, but it isn't going to stop me this time."

"What is it Lieutenant?" Roy asked, opening his eyes just enough to look at her, trying hard to fight the urge to pull the blanket over his head and ignore her. She had her hair down, and she looked amazing. He had seen her with it down before, but she seemed to be even more beautiful, for a moment, he almost forgot he was upset with her being there.

"First, you are going to eat." She said picking up a cracker from the plate, when he didn't take it she sighed. "I'm not going to leave this seat until you have finished." She said, she felt like a mother forcing her child eat broccoli. Hesitantly, he took the cracker and began to nibble on it. Even when he was angry with her, he knew better than to cross her.

"I'm really not hungry." He protested, it was true, he hadn't eaten much and what he had, had either been thrown back up or too little to make a difference, but he just wasn't hungry.

She was certian he was lying at first, but she knew that after a while, even the most famished person stopped feeling the pain of hunger as the stomach shrunk and fat and muscle were used as the body's energy source. She had learned that during Ishbal, the Ishballan's who had somehow survived the raids often died of starvation from the lack of food the blockade caused, just couldn't eat even if food was found.

"I don't care sir. You are going to eat. You are doing no one any good by starving yourself" Once he had finished the first cracker and a slice of cheese, and didn't seem to be about to vomit, she continued. "Second, you are going to take your medicine. The infection in your arm almost took you away from me completely, you are going to take the pills so you can keep fighting it off." She handed him the small capsules and, then the cup of water, she almost smiled when he complied.

"Are you finished yet?" he asked after he had swallowed the medication, clearly annoyed, but he wasn't sure what annoyed him more, being bothered or Riza Hawkeye being the person bothering him.

"No. " She answered simply. "You need a haircut and to shave. Sit up." She said, extending her hand to help him up if he needed it. Once he got situated in the chair and she got a pair of scissors, she stood behind him and began to cut his hair.

After a few seconds of strained silence, Roy sighed before asking "Why's you come after me? When I left, I never wanted you to see me again, I tried getting far enough away that you'd never think of me again, but here you are. Why can't you realize that I don't want you to come rescue me?"

"You should already know that. I love you sir. You may not want to be rescued, but lets face it, you need to be. You still have more people than you know standing behind you, waiting for you to achieve your goal, and ready to help you over come anything that might get in the way of that. It takes a lot more than a train ride to Resenbool to make me stop thinking about you, I don't think there is anywhere that far away sir. "

"You keep thinking that, but they haven't seen me sitting here on my sorry ass." He said with what sounded suspiciously like a chuckle.

"Incase you haven't noticed, Jean and I are here, and more are waiting back home, and we've all seen you, and we aren't going anywhere without you with us. You need to hold still sir, or your hair is going to be uneven."

"Are you almost done?" He asked, turning his head back around so he was looking forward once again.

"You are worse at holding still than Edward." She said, the corner of her lips tugging upwards into a smile

"It itches." Roy complained, now using the back of the chair as a back scratch, reminding Riza of a bear with fleas.

"How does it itch? You're hair can't feel anything."

"It's going down my back . . . I think some got under the bandage."

"I'm almost done." She said stepping in front and cutting his bangs, satisfied that his hair was now back to its normal length, and began to brush off his back.

"Does it still itch?" She asked, she couldn't see any more hair, but she wasn't sure.

"Yes!" He said, clawing at the bandage, but couldn't quite get the bandage to part so she could get the hair out.

Riza swatted his hand away and began to undo the bandage herself. She noticed a few new scars crisscrossing his back as if they had been left by whips and how his once beautiful body looked even more skeletal than the last time she had seen him as she picked up the last few strands of hair. "If you wait just a moment, I'll get some clean bandages."

A minute later, Riza was back, and carefully peeling off the patch of gauze that had been against the stump. "It looks like it's been healing well. They said as soon as the rest of the infection went away, they'd start with the automail surgery." She said, wrapping the new bandage back around him

Roy had turned away and didn't respond to her words in the slightest, his expression had changed back into its previous dark one. He was so lost in thought that he didn't realize that Riza had gon in front of him and jumped when he felt her spread shaving cream on his cheek.

"Are you sure you know how to do this?" he asked a little warily, as he eyed the blade in her lap.

"Yes, sir, but I could have Havoc do it if you would rather."

"No . . . that's okay." He said, he knew she was more than capable of competing the task, but he also knew that the woman probably knew a thousand ways to murder him with the cream alone. He doubted she would, but now would be the perfect opportunity to pay him back for whatever he had been putting her through. His body visibly tensed up when he felt the cold metal against his skin, but started to relax after a little while.

"Why did you stop?" he asked looking at her questioningly

"I've finished." She said wiping the rest of the shaving cream from his face. "There." She said, now genuinely smiling as she. "You're still the same handsome man you always were. She said kissing his forehead. "I'll be back, Havoc wanted to come in and talk to you too." She said standing up and walking to the door.

"Wait." Roy said before she could open the door, and walked over to her and grabbed her arm. "Thank you." He said and much to her pleasant surprise, he kissed her.


	24. Chapter 24

**Sorry it took so long to put this up, I've been gone doing things. It's almost done, just 2 more chapters I think. Thanks for all the reviews.**

**24**

The few days before had been unusually pleasant, or more so than she had thought they would be. Roy had been in a far better mood than when he had left, and except a few bouts of anger and depression, things felt almost like old times. He had slowly started getting out of bed a little more, getting some of his strength back, along with cooperating with them without too much complaining, making things much easier for everyone. He had only snapped at them once when he was trying, and failing to button up a shirt and refused help. There was also something else between them, something that wasn't bad by any means.

The pleasantness however lasted only a few days until the infection had cleared up enough for the automail surgery. Now, Riza sat in the chair next to the closed door, at first glance she looked as calm and composed as ever, but if you got closer, you could see that she was shaken. Things were silent around the Rockbell's house, but they hadn't been for long. She wasn't sure if she should be grateful for the lack of noise or worried. Minutes ago, cries of pain had filled her ears, and had for most of the last hour. She kept telling herself that it was natural, auto-mail surgery was known to be extremely painful, Roy was awake after all, and she had been told to stay out unless they called for her. Havoc had left after the first ten minutes, excusing himself to go outside to smoke, but he hadn't come back inside since.

Sitting there reminded her of many sleepless nights in the hospital at Central, and even worse, sitting at the battlefield waiting in vain for him to come back to her. The first few days, she had, like everyone else, watched every explosion, every fire waiting for him to come walking back with a smirk when he saw their worried faces. That hope had quickly died and had been replaced by self loathing for doing nothing. She had taken it upon herself to give the orders to the others, but she was no where near the leader that he was, she was smart and understood war tactics, she had the presence of authority but she was lacking something he had, and she hadn't been sure if she would ever see again, she still wasn't sure if she would.

--

As she carried him out of the cell, she couldn't help but notice he was much lighter than she had remembered him being, quite a bit lighter. She'd say twenty to forty pounds, and when he had already had been on the thin side, she was worried about what she'd see if she took time to look at him better. She knew it wasn't a good thing, but it made carrying him and getting out of here quickly much easier.

The sound of gunfire suddenly rocked the basement cells, making everyone jump, no one had been there, they had been sure of it, but more blasts echoed from down the hall.

"Get him out of here. We'll cover you!" Havoc told her, taking out his gun and followed behind her.

She had carried him away, very aware of the wet warmness that was soaking through her shirt. How the hell had she been stupid enough to let this happen? She found a little comfort in his pained and shallow breathing, at least he was still alive.

She tripped on a hole in the ground, catching herself just in time, but her shoulder had shifted and dug its self into his rib cage. Roy screamed in agony. The sound of guns blasting, and bullets hitting the ground close by made her keep running, there was a small hill a few yards away, if she could get to the other side, she could adjust him and carry him better, the trucks were about three hundred yards from the other side of the hill.

Running uphill in sandy dirt was hard, especially when you were carrying something that weighed about the same as you did. She finally made it to the top and was able to mostly slide to the bottom, she carefully lay him down. God he was so still, she had to bend down to make sure he was still breathing. She sighed in relief when she heard a soft whimper. She picked him back up and began to run the rest of the way to the trucks.

The doctor that had come with them helped her put him in the back. She turned around and almost cried in relief when she saw Jean and the others making their way down the hill. Now all she had to worry about was the colonel.

--

"How's he doing?" Havoc asked, walking up the stairs and coming to a stop in front of her. He had been out walking around the town, he had come across a few places he was quite sure that Roy had stopped, old bottles and a little blood here and there showing the way.

"I don't know. I haven't heard him in a while." Riza said with a small smile, happy to finally have a little bit of company as she waited. She was fine being by herself but his familiar presence helped put her more at ease.

"Well that's good, isn't it? At least he isn't screaming any more. Think they're almost done?" If he hadn't been screaming, he hoped that they were finally just cleaning and finishing up.

Havoc sighed. "There is a deli and stuff down the street a ways. Do you want me to get you lunch?" he asked. He had stopped by it and gotten lunch, they made good sandwiches and the shop girl was really cute. Maybe out here and with the colonel out of commission for a while he might actually have a chance this time.

"No, thank you." She knew it was a kind gesture, but she just didn't think she could stomach anything until the surgery was over.

He took a seat on the floor next to her, He'd hated to think what would've happened to her if Roy had died. She was a mess with him being hurt.

"I called the boys back at Central. They all say hey." It had been really nice to hear their voices again. He had almost laughed when Breda had answered. They had been told it was a call from Resenbool they had thought it had been Hawkeye to get after them.

"How are they doing? Are they actually doing their work without us there?"She asked. The last thing she wanted to do when she got back was a ton of paperwork that they had neglected.

Havoc smiled. This was the Hawkeye he knew. It was nice to see something of the old her shining through. "Yeah, they said they are anyway. They wanted to know how he was doing. I told them he was having the automail surgery done, so they wanted me to call again when it was done. They said Ed should be coming around in a few days. He busted his arm and leg up again."

"Good. I think it will be good for Roy to talk to him again. Did they say how he hurt himself again?"

"No, they didn't say anything. But do you think he actually told them why? I don't know if he's different with you guys but he never tells me anything." It was true he had no idea what went on with Ed unless Roy or Riza told him, or if he over heard Roy and Ed yelling at each other. He liked them well enough, but they had always been fairly private kids. With what they were after, it was probably the best.

--

Hours later The waiting was finally over, and they walked into the room where Roy was sleeping. There was no longer an empty space where his arm should have been, but the gleam of metal just above the top of the blanket.


	25. Chapter 25

Last real chapter, the next one is an epilogue. There is a bit of lime in this chapter. Hope you like it.

**  
25**

They had been in Resenbool for two months, the summer fading into fall bringing the changing color of the leaves, the cooler temperatures, the usual change of seasons also brought the clear frustration of trying to relearn the things that should have come without a second thought was growing by the day. Roy was working on picking a pencil up, which he only succeeded a little less than fifty percent of the time, and the simple task wore him out. He was trying hard to get the simple movements down, but all his efforts, like always, seemed to be wasted.

He had called a meeting in his room that morning with Jean and Riza for one reason. He had been thinking about this for a while, since he hadn't died after being captured to be more precise. After much thought and debating with himself he had only come up with one conclusion.

"I'm resigning." As soon as the words left his mouth, a look of frustrated filled the faces of the rooms two other occupants. He looked back at them calmly, waiting for any kind of response. He had gone through many scenarios in his head as to how they would take it, but he hadn't been ready to see that look on their faces. He had only seen that look once and it had been much too recently, but there wasn't much he could do about it now. His mind was made up.

"You . . . You're what?" Havoc asked, looking shocked. He had wondered what he had called them in for, but all of his guesses had been so far from the truth. This had to be some bad joke right. Surely he was just frustrated from a hard few months and he would be back to normal in a week or two right? But the look on his face worried him, he looked tired, but far too serious for this sudden decision to go away anytime soon, and by the time he may have come to his senses, it might be too late for him to change his mind. He couldn't let that happen, not after all they had gone through.

Riza simply sat looking at him in a way only her eyes could see him, look through him, waiting for him to explain himself fully before speaking. Roy could never understand how she could possibly be so patient with him. He knew she would always find a way to amaze him, but he wondered if it would be easier on both of them if she would just act naturally for once, not that he wasn't grateful for all that she did, but was it really worth the strain she put herself under to keep herself so god damn collected all of the time?

"I'm resigning from my post in the military." He said calmly, as if he hadn't just come to the decision of ending a lifetimes goal, but more like he was talking about the weather, or making some other kind of small talk with them.

" How the hell can you even think of doing that?!" Havoc demanded as soon as the initial shock had gone and left confusion and anger in its place.

"I'm not of use to anyone any more. I will most likely be discharged anyway. It takes too long to recover from Automail, and even longer to have an accurate shot again. Why should I just sit here and wait for them?" He asked.

"What about your goal? We all followed you. We believed in you. Did you forget that Hughes died for you?" Havoc asked, raising from his seat. He knew that the last one was a low blow, he already knew Roy blamed himself for Hughes death, he always had and knew that he always would, but he couldn't believe what he was hearing. He was going to give up after all that? Just call it quits. That wasn't the Mustang he would follow to hell, he didn't know who this was in front of him.

"No, Jean I haven't." He said. The look on his face and tone of his voice had the unnerving look that was only used when the death of his closest friend was brought up. His eyes had an eerie look of hollowness in them and his voice low in a mixture of depression and anger.

They continued to glare at each other for a few more moments that seemed to last much longer than it really had, before Havoc pulled a cigarette out of his pocket and left the room.

'Don't worry about it sir. He'll come around." Riza said, trying to comfort him. She knew it was a little bit of a shock, and that Jean was just a little disappointed which came out as anger. He'd be back in an hour or two, wanting to know more about the new plan of action.

"Aren't you going to say how stupid I'm being?" He asked, his head in his hand, not looking up at her, not brave enough to dare to look at the depth of the hurt he could guess was in her eyes. He hated knowing that he had put all her hard work and devotion to waste, and he could never give it back to her.

"No. I may disagree with the way you're doing things but it is your choice, and I will still follow you wherever you decide to go. You should know this by now."

Roy chanced to look up at her and was surprised to see a little smile gracing her lips. His arm fell back to his lap and he shook his head in disbelief. "You're really something else." He said with a sigh. He didn't deserve someone so unconditionally loyal.

"Should I take that as a compliment, sir?" Riza asked him with the smallest of smiles.

"Yes, it is."

She sat down at his side and kissed his cheek. "You're still a great man."

"I'm glad you still think so" he mumbled, wondering how long she could possibly keep deluding herself. How long was it possible for her to keep telling herself that lie? He was not, never had been and would never be a great man.

"I always will."She said softly, letting him rest his head against her shoulder, kissing the top of his head, she hated seeing him like this, and wasn't sure how to help bring him out of it.

Roy raised his head and kissed her back, his body acting before he could think about what kind of person he was and how he didn't want to even touch her, taint her. He needed her, needed to feel a gentle touch, the one that only she had. He wasn't sure if he should be repulsed by himself or overjoyed when she kissed him back, but he was greedy and didn't stop her, and undid the clip in her hair, letting her beautiful hair fall down and his fingers intertwine with it.

He fumbled with the buttons and clasps of their clothing, but her hands were right there, skilled and nimble as ever, quickening the task as the clothing scattered across the floor until it was just her beautiful, soft, warm skin on his. God how he wanted this. He couldn't remember a time now that he hadn't wanted this, with no strings attached. He didn't have to worry about the consequences they would face, they were free and it was such a welcomed change.

It only would have been better if he had both hands to feel her with.

Ed had been at the Rockbell's house for a few days before he had a chance, or rather feel brave enough, to have one on one time with the colonel. He had some things he wanted to talk to him about but he wanted to be alone to say them.

"So." He said walking into his room and quietly closing the door behind him. "I heard you weren't a colonel anymore." He said, he found this hard to believe, Colonel Bastard not a colonel anymore, it didn't have the same ring to it if he just called him bastard, but it also made him a little sad. He had learned of his ambitions and had been looking forward to seeing him achieve them, but he'd never admit that.

"No, I'm not. I've officially retired." Roy said, trying not to cringe at the word, it made him sound so old.

"How's the automail treating you? Winry's a real bitch with the wrench isn't she."

'She isn't too bad, but it's a pain in the ass. But it's better than nothing I guess. Is there something you wanted to talk to me about Ed, or are you hiding from Winry?" He asked, Ed just willing to come in and shoot the bull with him just never happened.

"Yeah, actually there was something I wanted to tell you."

Roy sighed, wondering what disaster he had managed to unleash this time and on what poor town he had been in at the time.

"We found a way around equivalent exchange."

"You found the Philosophers stone?" He asked, had the boys finally found the legend they had been looking for for so long?

"No . . . Xing has it's own type of alchemy, it was made for medicinal reasons. We've been researching it, and I really think it's going to work."

"Are you certian about that Ed, you don't really have anything more to give up if you're wrong..."

"We're sure this time...I just wanted you to know. Since you helped us out in your own pain in the ass kind of way."

"You know, you're not so bad either Fullmetal."

"Colonel Bastard."

"Shorty."And for once, Ed didn't have a fit about his height, he just smiled and walked out of the room


End file.
